Random Rants of The Lite Greenie

Actions speak louder than words

2011-06-25T17:59:00.005-04:00

People have to keep in mind that sometimes words can hurt. People also have to keep in mind that words are also just that, words. They hardly fix the problems that they sometimes cause. If a spouse cheats on their partner, a simple "I'm sorry" isn't going to cut it. If the spouse decides to forgive their partner and work on things, then it's the actions of the cheating partner that will speak volumes. The same can be said about most issues in life. My previous blog upset my best friend. So much so that she decided to end the friendship. I use this blog for many things. I use it to vent that I love my country but hate it's politics. I use it to vent about things that happen to me and my family. I use it to vent about people in my life that have screwed me over and people that sincerely piss me off. My bestie took the last blog post too personally. Yes, it was about her specifically, however, it was more about my feeling during the time that I felt slighted than it was about her per se. I was venting. I am mad about that incident. I'm ALLOWED to be mad about it even though you said you were sorry. Keep in mind though, that you only gave me an apology AFTER I called you out on it. You didn't feel bad enough about it that you apologized on your own. I guess you didn't see anything wrong with your actions during that time. It makes me mad that you're one of the most intelligent people I know, yet you have this complete insensitivity toward peoples feelings. Since we haven't spoken, the only thing I miss are the phone calls I used to get from you. You know, the 'can you feed my dog' calls I always got. Or the 'can you feed the cat and scoop her litter box' calls I always got. They're pretty much the only calls I would get from you towards the end. I can't remember the last time you called to ask if I wanted to go to the movies or to a Phillies game or something like that. Those calls were reserved for your new group of friends who names you won't even remember a year or two from now. Your "best friend" never got those calls. I guess we all kind of hurt the ones we always think will be around no matter what. Until one day when we're not anymore. And I'm not anymore.

The draw backs of overnight work

2011-05-22T05:23:00.003-04:00

The usual overnight girl needed a vacation. She's older, so a vacation she deserves. My boss asked if I would work 2 overnight shifts for her. Mine would be a shortened version of the usual 8 hours, so it's just a few hours. A few hours of extreme boredom. I thought it being a Saturday night going into Sunday morning, it would be somewhat busy. I was wrong. The only pressing thing happening tonight was my ability to pull a priest out of my ass from almost nowhere for a poor soul dying in the ER. The usual priest was not answering his pager, so Lynn to the rescue. I found one after scrambling around and the person was able to get their last rites. Rest in Peace nameless, faceless person.

As I attempted to cure my boredom with episodes of Mad Men, crossword puzzles and The shows on Food Network that I've already seen about 10 times each, I couldn't help but think about my life. My girlfriend says that in my life I have cut people out that didn't necessarily deserve to be banished and left people in it that have done me wrong more than once. I find myself defending people that sort of deserve the harsh things that people say about them. I find excuses to overlook the poor behavior displayed by some of my friends. I think part of my problem is the fact that I'm always secretly trying to stay on good terms with people. Always trying to smooth things over so that everything is fine and dandy. I don't like when people are mad at me or disappointed in me. I don't know why. People certainly don't worry about my feelings or upsetting me. They seem to do it frequently. One friend in particular has failed in the friendship department when I needed her the most. I can't help but think back to my cancer surgery and how you dissed me. I am harboring serious ill feelings about it that make me want to lash out at you for being a terrible person, a terrible 'best friend' to me. You're known for your harsh honesty, even at the risk of sounding like a cold hearted bitch. Well, you fucked me over. Both in our relationship (which I forgave) and in our friendship (which I also forgave). I'm not sure I should have. You had a choice to be there for me and you decided to go have 'fun' with friends that you probably don't even associate with anymore. Your best friend of many years, the one who would do anything for you (and has) was lying in a hospital bed scarred out of my mind with the news that I had cancer. You decided to party with a bunch of nobodies. I'm not over that fact. It hurts me deeply every single time I think about that. I will never get over that hurt. Never.

My thought on 9/11

2010-09-14T23:24:00.002-04:00

I just checked a few blogs that I follow, and I saw that someone I know posted a 9/11 tribute video set to the song Amazing Grace. Watching that footage just made me sob....again. I will never forget where I was, who I was with and what I was thinking as I saw the plane slam into Tower Two. I was watching it live on CNN as it was happening. I, like most of America and our Allies, was devastated by the attacks. In the years since this horrible attack, I have watched a lot of footage and listed to many conspiracy theories. I know what I'm about to say will not be a popular statement, but, I agree along with many others, in thinking that our own government was behind these attacks. I won't get too far into this, but before you send me nasty grams, go check this out:

There's also the Michael Moore Movie Fahrenheit 911. I know there are people that will automatically assume that I am Un-American, but this is NOT the case. I just don't trust our Government. If you breeze through life without EVER questioning authority and government, you're a pretty naive person. They got you right where they want you.

The Brat got her way....again

2010-09-14T22:58:00.002-04:00

I went to the AT&T store today just to see what might happen. I saw this young kid approaching me asking if he could help me with anything. I said yes, and told him what the dealio was. He said that he'd have to check with his manager. As he walked away, I immediate thought, she's going to say no, I just know it. The kid came back pretty quickly, and he said that the manager said yes. As the salesperson (I have to stop calling him kid) checked my account, the manager came over and said hello. I recognized her from the last time I was with my girlfriend when she purchased her iphone. The manager said, hey, I remember you...how are you and your friend? I said that things were good. I was surprised that she remembered me, but when you think about it, I AM kind of hard to forget. So, I have my iphone 4. It's pretty cool. I'm still getting used to it. I am trying to find all kinds of cool apps to download. If this blog makes no sense, just take a look at the blog below this one, it will explain what the "dealio" was. Anyway, I have to go...lots of download to search for....

Am I just a Brat?

2010-09-10T17:54:00.005-04:00

I have AT&T as my cell phone provider. Many of my friends have AT&T also and they have iphones with their plans. I make no sense sometimes. I am very frugle about certain things and throw money away on silly things all the time. When I switched from T-Mobile to AT&T, I opted to get a smart phone, but avoided the iphone because the rate plans were more expensive. I've had the Samsung Eternity for about 18 months and there's nothing wrong with this phone at all, but, I'm falling for all of the hype that surrounds the iphone. People that have it, usually love it. So, about a month ago I looked into when I was eligible for an upgrade. They informed me that I was eligible on October 13th. I could purchase the new iphone 4G for $200 if I waited until then. If I was in a rush and wanted to buy it then and there, I would have been charged $400. I decided to wait. Then yesterday, I called AT&T and asked if they would let me do it sooner since it was only about a month away. They said no and if I wanted to, they would charge me an early upgrade fee if I chose to do it sooner. I was pissed. Really AT&T? I have to wait 30 more days? I pay all of my bills online, so the second they post, I pay them. I am NEVER late on any of my bills (I'm sort of anal about that stuff). What happened to rewarding good customers? With the purchase of my iphone, I'll be changing my rate plan to a more expensive plan too...so what's the problem? Am I being a brat for getting angry, or would you be angry too? I know that I'm SUPPOSED to wait 30 more days, but Geez. I told the customer service rep that I was very disappointed about it (not that she gave a crap). I have been with AT&T for 19 months with no problems, but they wouldn't let me upgrade sooner. Because I was denied, I immediate thought, screw them, I'm not going to get the iphone now...but am I punishing myself more than them? I may just wait until Verizon gets the iphones and switch to them. So there AT&T LOL.

Lawwwwd don't take my puppy

2010-09-07T14:50:00.002-04:00

That's what I was saying as I was rushing Lilli to the vet last Monday. I was on the phone with a friend of mine when Lilli suddenly jumped up and ran out of the living room like a bat out of hell. She didn't stop running until she got to the bedroom upstairs. Earlier in the week Cindy discovered a pretty large lump on Lilli's throat. We were very concerned, so we made an appointment with our Vet, Dr. Debbie for Thursday. I asked my friend to hang on while I checked on Lilli. She was peeping down the stairs at me as she was still standing in the bedroom...almost like she was hiding from me. She has gas problems occasionally and when she passes gas, it actually frightens her. Her normal reaction is to run, so when she did this, I assumed maybe that's what happened. I went upstairs and brought her down and put her on the floor and she started running in circles very quickly. She never does this, so I knew something was going on. I lifted her to have a look at her when I noticed she was bleeding pretty heavily from the lump in her throat. Apparently she was scratching and she actually cut herself wide open with her nails. I was so freaked out. I grabbed her and told my friend that I needed to go! I scooped Lilli up and ran out of the house to the nearest vet. They took care of her there and sent us home with medicine and a little neck wrap for her throat. A few days later, we went to our original vet appointment and Dr. Debbie said that the lump was most likely an abscess and that she should be just fine. She pick her little scab and said everything looked good. We were thrilled to hear the good news and brought our little golden child home. I have always been a cat person. We've always had dogs in the family growing up, but I never bonded with the dogs like I did our family cats. Lilli changed things for me. I have never loved a dog like I love this little creature. She's an absolute sweetheart and I adore her. I am so happy that she's going to be OK.

Where have all the Straight Shooters gone?

2010-08-12T16:51:00.003-04:00

I frequently complain about customer service. It's a big pet peeve of mine. I am an educated consumer when I'm going to make a big ticket purchase. I read Consumer Reports to see what they recommend and go online to read consumer reviews also. So, when I was itching to buy a new car back in April, I did my usual homework. I test drove all of the cars that I had an interest in, just to satisfy my curiosity. I went with the Mazda 6 because of the great reviews it received from Consumer Reports and independent reviews I found online. The salesman's only real job was to convince me that the more expensive model was a better deal because of the "perks" that come along with it. I'm not a fan of base models, so even that was easy. I went with the Mazda 6 Touring Plus which is better than the base model Mazda 6, but not as fancy as the high end Mazda 6. I was surprised to find that there are like 6 different models of a Mazda 6. One of the "perks' you receive from this particular dealership is, is that you get free factory scheduled oil changes for the life of your car. I went in for my first oil change today and found that there was a slight "bait and switch" that occurred. The salesman told me in April that the car only needs an oil change every 7500 miles. I was thrilled, because most cars need to have an oil change every 3000 miles. So, when the service manager gave me the "break down' sheet today, he explained that I get a free oil change every 7500 miles, BUT, they use the REGULAR Castrol Oil as the "free" oil and the REGULAR oil needs to be changed every 4000 miles. So, if I wanted to get an oil change every 7500 miles, I'd have to buy the "Castrol Synthetic" oil change which is $39.99. So, if I went with the REGULAR oil, I'd have to get an oil change every 4000 miles and I'd have to pay for every other oil change. So, this is total bullshit. The car needs an oil change every 4000 miles and the factory will only approve an oil change for free every 7500 miles. If I opt to get the Synthetic oil change every 7500 miles, it will be $39.99. Whatever Mazda....whatever. Don't tell people that ALL of the factory scheduled oil changes are free, without telling them that if they select the regular oil, they have to get it changed before the next factory scheduled change. I would have bought the Mazda 6 either way, I just really HATE the bullshit talk that they give you to try to seal the deal and get you to sign on the dotted line. Be honest...people respond to that better. Today's oil change was free because it's the first factory scheduled oil change. The next "free" one will cost me $39.99. Shitheads.

Shape Shifter

2010-08-04T21:03:00.003-04:00

I'm out of control. I am eating anything that isn't nailed down lately. Maybe that's not 100% true, but that's how it feels. My sweet tooth has gone into overdrive. Part of it can be blamed on mother nature and her need to mess with us women once a month, but the other 3 weeks of the month is all me! I ventured onto the bathroom scale today. It was the first time in about a month that I have weighed myself. Very surprisingly, I haven't gained any weight. I'm the same weight I have been for awhile now. I've been told that as we get older, our weight 'shifts'. Well, that must be what's happening with me. I'm the same weight yet I feel like I gained 20 pounds! I have always had this issues with my weight, but recently I've developed this spare tire around my waist. Ewwww. I hate it. When the wind blows, it makes my shirt hug the tire and I feel like the whole world is looking at it and judging me lol. I have to go on a diet. I would love to lose about 50 pounds or so, so I have to get cracking. I just have absolutely no desire to start a diet! If only it was as easy to take off as it is to put on. I am limited on what types of exercises I can do because of my injury, so I have to rely more on my food intake and less about exercise. I talked to my back doctor on my last visit to him and asked about walking on a treadmill. He said I can do it but I just have to take it easy and to 'listen' to my body. If it hurts my back any more than the usual pain that I deal with on a daily basis, then stop. No running or walking too briskly or aggressively. A nice easy pace would be OK. I think I'm going to take advantage of the park down the street from us and take a nice walk everyday. Any exercise is better than no exercise, right? OK, now where did I put that willpower again.......?

Kathy Griffin in AC

2010-07-24T17:09:00.007-04:00

My girlfriend booked us a little overnight getaway. We went to Atlantic City last night to go have a nice dinner, have a few drinks (her really, I had one and it was too many) and go see one of our favorites, Kathy Griffin. We stayed at the Borgata. The gaming area was like all other casinos, but I have to say that we were both underwhelmed by the hotel area of the Borgata. When we first went into our room, it looked like the bed had been laid on and there was no blanket on the bed other than the top sheet. My girlfriend called down to the front desk and they explained that that was the way they make their beds and that there should be a few blankets under the top sheet. After we looked, there were a few under there, but it really looked sloppy. And, to add insult to injury, the sheet under the top sheet had a hole in it about the size of a quarter. So much for Egyptian Cotton! The room was really plain Jane and nothing wowed us. We've done a lot of traveling over the last 8 years and we've seen much nicer rooms in much less expensive hotels. Oh well, dinner will be at least yummy, right? Nope. We had dinner at the Old Homestead Steakhouse which is inside the Borgata. My girlfriend ordered a 'whale sized' lobster which was GIGANTIC and I had the Filet Mignon. My Filet was over cooked, her lobster was rubbery and the side dishes were in desperate need of salt and pepper. Without any appetizers or desserts, the dinner cost $240. You have to treat yourself to a fine dinner from time to time, but when you do, you would hope that you'd actually enjoy it...especially at that price. Kathy Griffin was her usual funny self. I love the fact that she has made a career out of talking smack about celebrities that take themselves too seriously. She's very real and her comedy is something that everyday people can relate to. She did not disappoint. Although the night wasn't what we hoped it would be as far as the 'luxuries' that we paid extra for, just spending time together was nice and I loved it.

Not ready yet

2010-07-20T16:30:00.002-04:00

I know it's a process. I know nothing worthwhile happens overnight. I have been trying to let go of my negativity in many different ways lately. One of which is by looking into Buddhism. On that front, all is well and I feel good about the direction I'm headed. Last night when my girlfriends daughter came home, I heard her walking up the steps. My girlfriend and I had just turned off the TV in the bedroom and were about to call it a night. The cop in me is alive and well so I'm always concerned about safety. I frequently check the front and back door before I go to bed for the night. The doors were locked when we went upstairs, so when her daughter came home, I just wanted to double check. So when I asked her "Hey X, did you lock the door"? She said "No, I forgot....yes, I did". This is the first time since I've been back home and the second time in about two weeks that she's pissed me off instantly. Both times it's happened it has been immediately after she hangs out with her friends. Couldn't you just say yes, I locked the door? Did you have to be cocky...again?? Your sarcasm suggests that you always do things the right way and I'm just a fool to question you. You're right, you do everything right and I should never have double checked for safety reasons. There's a bit of sarcasm back to you. Touche. Obviously, I'm not really for Buddhism yet.

Please don't bless me brother

2010-07-19T12:19:00.005-04:00

I went to a Buddhist meeting last night in Cherry Hill. I went into this not knowing what to expect at all. When I first got there, I observed several different people sitting on the floor in a lotus position preparing to meditate. They recognized that they had a new visitor and they asked if I had ever meditated before and I said that I have not. One of the people, a man named Neil, gave me some quick instruction and we were on our way. We meditated for 20 minutes. The room was filled with mostly men. I was one of 3 women there which surprised me. They had a slight disagreement on what CD to listen to and I thought that that was ironic. They settled this disagreement with a show of hands. We completed the meditation and they said the next step was a mediation walk for approx 10 minutes. I opted not to do the walk and I left. The people were very nice, but it reminded me of a Buddhist version of a Christian service. They were too into it if you know what I mean. I'm looking for more real, even keeled people to meet with. What I'm trying to say is, is that I don't like the whole God Bless you that you hear every 5 minutes at a Christian service..and I felt that the Buddhists I met yesterday where like that, in a Buddhist way of course with no mention of God. I don't think you have to be "in your face" with services. I think if you're in a church or a synagogue or even a Buddhist meeting, you're already practicing your faith, whatever it is. I don't want or need anyone Blessing me while I'm there. I need to find low key Buddhists. My search continues.

Loving Kindness

2010-07-15T18:32:00.004-04:00

That's what I'm trying to achieve. That inner peace that TRUE Buddhists have. I have started reading "Buddhism for Dummies" and I really like what I'm reading so far. My girlfriend and I have joked over the last few days that when I say something negative "Oops, I ruined it, I can't be a Buddhist today" because of what I said or because of my reaction to someone when they're being a schmuck. I have definitely changed the way I think over the last week or so. I'm taking the time to take a step back when somethings happens that makes me angry, and I'm counting to ten, then I ask myself "why am I really getting mad about this"? More often then not, I immediately calm down and force my negativity to take a back seat. My hope is, is that I'll be able to adopt a true Buddhist lifestyle. It's what I REALLY want. I'm going to attend a Buddhist Temples prayer and meditation service this Sunday. I have high hopes. We'll see. Baby Steps :)

She'll never 'get it'

2010-07-09T18:18:00.008-04:00

I thought when we told her that we weren't going to continue our house hunting and that the main reason was her irresponsible behavior, that that would make her wake up. It didn't. She's still jobless, goes to school when her mom harasses her and parties all week long with her friends and pretty much disappears the entire weekend. Then, when her mom took her to lunch a few weeks ago and talked to her about many things including the fact that we were having relationship issues, that that might wake her up too. It didn't. Then, when she skipped school again on Wednesday, her mom and I decided to approach her and give her an ultimatum. Up until that point it was only her mom giving the ultimatums. We had a fair plan in place. So, when she came home, her mom asked her to sit down on the sofa. She immediately asked why, and her mom said, gee, why do you think? The first words out of her mouth were, "Jesus, it's only one fucking day, no big deal". Her profane, lackadaisical response immediately made me angry, so I looked at her and reminded her that her mom has a financial interest in her schooling, and she looked me dead in the eye and said something along these lines "Um, I'm talking to my mom...so....". She said it in such a snotty, fucked up way. I was thrown back. I experienced so many emotions in that split second. I was super pissed and super hurt and embarrassed all at once. I freaked out. Everything that I've been bottling up inside just exploded. I screamed at her for skipping school, for being a bum and not having a job, doing absolutely nothing around the house and being irresponsible. The whole time I was yelling, she was baiting me by saying "uh huh" after each thing I rolled off of my tongue. I was furious. I walked upstairs and began to hyperventilate for about 15 minutes. I couldn't catch my breath at all. Finally I calmed down. I heard her go upstairs a little while later, after she and her mom talked about who knows what. I went to the house today to discover that once again, she didn't go to school. Not even 36 hours later, she skipped school again!! She's a selfish girl that doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. I wonder what her punishment will be? There should be consequences, but I doubt that there will be. The decisions I've made over the last 36 hours were validated today.

The fucked up part is, is that I love her mom. Always have, always will. We have issues, but who doesn't? We were working on things. But now, I don't know how to live with the one I love when someone I don't like lives there too. How can I expect to repair the relationship with my girlfriend who I love, when the relationship I had with her daughter is over? It's a very painful situation. I am hurting deeply. I don't see an end in sight, and that's the worst part. Sigh, so much for my previous blog....

My dinner date

2010-06-28T23:39:00.002-04:00

I am waiting for a phone call as I type this blog. My girlfriend is on a plane bound for Philly from her weekend away. She had work abroad, so I've spent the last few days on my own. Her daughter was surprising home more than I expected her to be. Her daughter and I had dinner together tonight on her suggestion. We talked about a lot of things that were on our minds, like where she stands on her schooling. Sometimes she goes, and most of the time, she skips out. I told her in no certain terms to get her shit together before it's too late and they kick her out. The one really good thing about her is, is that she usually doesn't try to make excuses when she knows she's wrong. I respect that about her. It's a far cry from when she was 16 and we (her mom and I) were wrong about anything and everything that we approached her with. I think that's a typical for a 16 year old. She says she has identified the problem, but doesn't seem to know what or how to correct it for herself. I suggested that her priorities are out of whack and she agreed. I know she has good intentions, but so far since graduating high school two years ago, she's fallen short. I know she's not a bad person. She could be mixed up in so much crap like some people her age tend to do, but so far, she's been good. No drugs or promiscuous behavior. She has respect for herself, thank God. I just hope she wakes up with a clear head and the light bulb just goes off for her soon. Hopefully our casual talk did some good.

Is anyone really surprised?

2010-06-27T13:49:00.006-04:00

Marcus Vick threw his dog killing brother Michael a 30th birthday party on June 24th. There was a long list of professional athletes on the party guest list. One other person on the guest list was Quanis Phillips, who was Vick's co-defendant in the federal dog killing/fighting/torturing case that they were both found guilty in. Quanis Phillips was shot in the leg during this party and listed in stable condition at the hospital. Michael Vick claims he wasn't at the party at the time of the incident. Smart to say that Dick, oops, I mean Vick, because it's a violation of your federal probation for you and Phillips to associate with each other. Kinda odd that Phillips was 'mistakenly' invited to the party in the first place, huh? It HAD to be a mistake, cause I'm sure Vick and his brother Marcus were fully aware of the terms of Vick's probation.

Now some critics in the Philadelphia area are calling for the Eagles to get rid of Vick. He stands to make 5 million dollars this years as Kevin Kolb's back up. NOW you want to get rid of him? Where were these same critics when Michael Vick went on trial for the horrific crimes against animals a few years ago. Did they not see any of the evidence that the prosecutors presented to the courts? Have they not heard about the horrors of what Vick did to his OWN family pets in addition to the countless other pets he tortured and killed? You claim to have not been there at the time of the shooting (which I believe is bullshit), but even if it's true, look at the kind of people you chose to celebrate your birthday with. Your brother invited ex-cons and gun wielding maniacs because he knows who your friends are. My girlfriend threw me a surprise birthday party a couple years ago....I guess I should consider myself lucky that no one was shot up during the festivities cause this craziness could have happened to anyone, right?

Happy Birthday George & Chicken

2010-06-15T13:09:00.001-04:00

It's my babies birthday today. They turn 15. I love my kitties so much and hope they enjoy their chicken I'm making them later :)

Patty Smyth said it best....

2010-06-15T12:59:00.000-04:00

Beautiful song...seems relevant

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.

Smart Move

2010-06-03T16:30:00.002-04:00

After my car was hit a few months ago, I decided to get a new car. The old one was only 9 months old, but I never really "loved" my Tucson. I am so happy that I made that decision. I absolutely LOVE my new car. I never owned a Mazda before, so it's all new to me. I don't even think I know anyone that owns one either. Well let me tell you, it's an awesome car. It might sound silly to people, but I feel special when I drive this car. It's a beautiful, clean, sleek white car that has a feel of a car that costs thousands more. Not that this car was cheap, because it wasn't. It's a mid-priced car, but it just feels like it should be in the same class as a BMW or Lexus or something similar. Bottom line, the car makes me smile and it was the smartest move I've made it awhile :) Zoom Zoom!

Parking Wars.....Part Deux

2010-05-08T17:34:00.002-04:00

Ok, my girlfriend has a very small house. Right next to that small house is a very small driveway. You can park a small car in that small driveway. Her daughter and I always park on the street and leave the driveway to my gf. Her daughter parks across the street and I usually park right in front of the house. I recently bought a new car. The car is shiny and pretty and pure white. I don't want to park my car directly in front of my girlfriends house because she has a big tree there that shits on everything, so my pretty, clean car would stay that way for approximately 1 day. I started parking my car across the street which is the side/rear of her neighbor's house. It's an interesting situation. Across the street is a big cut-out in the road that bears to the right to start a new street. It's hard to explain without actually seeing it, but the neighbor across the street has a driveway on the side/rear of his house. Cars frequently park around his driveway, along the curb line without ever blocking it. I have taken one of these spots. Now mind you, if you count all the spaces that are available around this neighbors house, there would be like maybe 10 spots..I don't park in front of his house, I park on the side/rear near is driveway. A black, older Ford Explorer has been parking directly behind me over the last week. I have no idea whose car it is, but he and I frequently battle for that front spot near the driveway and I usually win and park there. Just now, I went out to buy a bottle of wine for my friends party tonight and the black Explorer is parked directly in front of my girlfriends house where I used to park. I can't help but to think this is a cheap shot and some sort of stupid message this person is trying to send me. I say, hey..park there under that tree and get your old piece of shit even more dirty. More power to you. What bothers me is, is that if it's someone from her neighbors house, what is your problem? How many parking spots across the street do you need. Did I park in front of your house? No. I parked in the rear and keep it clear as not to block the drive. There are some petty ass people around here. I want to move out of this little town that starting to go downhill by the way. It isn't the same little town it was 7 years ago, that's for sure. Time to make some plans.

What a week!

2010-05-07T17:23:00.002-04:00

What the hell is happening in the world? Every time I turn on the TV or sign in to my Yahoo account, I am blown away by what I see/hear. Let's start with the BP massive oil spill that sadly, killed 11 people and injured 17 others. This is said to be the worst oil spill in history, worse than the Exxon oil spill of yesteryear. The environmental and human impact is going to be colossal. I turned in to a greenie in recent years (hence my blog name) so this is much more troubling to me than it would have been years ago. All we can do is sit back and watch this train wreck unfold. Needless to say, BP is off my gas list. Exxon has never made it back onto my gas list, so now there's 2 companies I'll be boycotting.

Lawrence Taylor what the hell were you thinking?? I just hope that these allegations are false. Could it be true that he really had a 16 year old prostitute delivered to his cheesy hotel room, slapped her around and then rapped her?? I love football and loved watching LT play. He was amazing. Unstoppable. To think that he's this disgusting pig of a man upsets my whole image of him and the game. Again, I hope it's not true. If it is, well.....you get what you deserve.

Ben Roethlisberger? Don't get me started on that asshole. I never really liked him, but liked him even less after his 2006 motorcycle accident and comments from him that followed. Now, he's been suspended for a few games because he sexually assaulted a woman? He, and all his felon buddies should be kicked out of the NFL. Little kids look up to these animals as role models..so what kind of message are we sending them if we allow these criminals to remain in the NFL? SIGH.

Earthquakes, earthquakes everywhere! Has anyone else noticed that there is a natural disaster reported almost daily now? Earthquakes, volcano's erupting and deadly floods. It's craziness. If I was a religious person I'd be worried it was nearing the end. Thank God, I'm not ;)

Zoom Zoom

2010-04-30T13:07:00.003-04:00

I bought my Hyundai Tucson back in August of last year. It's not a bad little SUV. It comes with Hyundai's 10year/100,000 mile warranty, which is great compared to other new car warranties of 3year/36,000. Hyundai has come a long way since they first showed up on the scene in the 80's. I would never have bought one in the 80's or 90's, but in recent years Consumer Reports has started giving them great reviews. The one I purchased is the base model with the 2.0 liter engine. That was my only regret. I should have upgraded to the V6 2.8 liter. That's the reason I've been complaining for the last 8 months. My bad. She has no "get up and go". I had to do it Hyundai...no hard feelings.....

I bought a new car this past Tuesday. I traded the little Hyundai in, and bought a 2010 Mazda 6 Touring Plus. It's only been a few days, but so far I LOVE this car. It's in the same class as the Toyota Camry, Honda Accord and Nissan Altima. I test drove the other cars to satisfy my curiosity before I bought the Mazda. When I went in to the Mazda dealership, I had the intention on getting the Black Cherry one, but in the showroom, they had a pure white one that I completely fell in love with. I bought that car! White would not have been my first choice before I saw this car in person. I love it. It's sleek, pretty and drives like a champ. I'm now experiencing the Zoom Zoom love :)

Cats and Dogs...dogs and cats

2010-04-15T23:56:00.002-04:00

They cost an arm and a leg if you care for them properly. My girlfriend and I took our dogs to the vet for their yearly check-up today. Poor Lilli has such wicked bad teeth. I felt like a horrible mommy when Dr. Debbie was showing us all of the gum disease, tarter build up and loose teeth that she had. She assured us that it's pretty typical for the breed. They have notoriously bad dental hygiene. She extracted several teeth and scheduled her for dental surgery in 2 weeks. Baby had some tarter build up also, but nothing like Lilli. Baby can get away with chewing on special rawhide that she had..so here's hoping. Dr. Debbie asked about the cats and I mentioned that George has been drinking a lot more water lately. She reminded me that his kidney enzymes were up last July when I had them in for their check up. So, he has to get some tests done to make sure he's OK. I hope he is. I hate the fact that they're getting older. Chicken has been showing her age a lot lately. She has her thyroid issue, she has a labored walk, is very cautious when she jumps down from chairs and she apparently has trouble hearing now too. She still has a mean ass bitch slapping paw(just ask Baby)....so not all is lost :)

Spring has officially sprug

2010-04-08T21:57:00.002-04:00

It's official, Spring can now begin. I've had my first water ice of the season. We were on our way home from a dinner out with friends when it struck us that we had a hankering for something sweet. I had a doughnut in mind, but we ended up getting something from a little place by 'the circle' that used to be a Rita's. I had a Blue Raz which was their version of Blueberry aka Blue Raspberry. It was really yummy. I wasn't into that place last year because I was a loyal Rita's girl and anything short of that was a rip off. Well, I have seen the light. Their Blue Raz was good and very flavorful. We'll be going back. I think I saw a rainbow and heard birds chirping as a was enjoying my ice. Maybe not, cause it was 9pm after all...but maybe :)

Red Tape

2010-04-06T16:53:00.002-04:00

So, when we were talking with someone in risk management for the state of New Jersey today to get things started with our auto accident claims, we were informed that no state vehicles carry insurance, that they are exempt from having to do so. So instead of dealing with something that is usually cut and dry, we have run into red tape. We have to submit all kind of forms and proof of this and that and blah blah blah. It's going to be a long process. If this had been a private citizen with normal insurance, we would simply contact her insurance company and that would be that. There would be no need to get our insurance companies involved at all since we are Zero Fault. She struck our vehicles that were park legally and unattended. Here comes the bullshit. It's only day one and I'm frustrated already.

Now my insurance company has to pay out everything and then fight the state of New Jersey for repayment. I'm OK with that because that's why I have insurance...in case things like this happen. My only fear now is that because they have to do the legwork are they going to raise my rates? The Geico rep today said she didn't 'think' so. I wanted to hear NO...not I don't think so. I have to shell out $500 dollars for my deductible now, but I was assured that I'll get that returned once everything is paid back by the state. We'll see. Again, my biggest frustration is Cindy's car. She's the one with the most damage. Her car is completely destroyed. I guess they'll give her the blue book value of it. She's only had the car a few weeks shy of 1 year. Damn shame.

Isn't that illegal in NJ?

2010-04-05T17:52:00.003-04:00

I was in Cindy's studio today. I brought her lunch from Subway. After we ate, we were in the back of the studio deciding whether to use her frequent flier miles on a Disney World Trip for the Food and Wine Festival this year or maybe a few days away in one of our favorite places, Key West. Outside, I heard a loud noise and thought to myself that it was a tractor trailer driving by and it hit a pot hole. Sometimes when those big rigs hit big pot holes, their trailer slam loudly. It wasn't until the barber across the street opened the door and asked Chris, Cindy's employee, 'where's the girl that owns that BMW'? I sensed the urgency in his voice and ran up front and out the door to find Cindy's car completely destroyed. As it turns out, a State of NJ employee, using a State Government Minivan ran into the back of Cindy's BMW so hard that it pushed her car into Chris's Mustang which was pushed into my car, which was pushed into the car in front of me. The witnesses on scene said that she was speeding and using her cell phone when she hit Cindy's car. The speed limit on that road is 30. The witnesses say she was going much faster than that and judging by the damage, I'd have to agree. She hit Cindy's car and started the chain reaction accident and then her minivan bounced back and hit a telephone pole.

When I went outside I saw a young girl with who I assumed was her boyfriend talking to people from the mortgage company next to Cindy's studio. I asked them to call 911 and they said they had already done that. I went over to the State Employee to make sure she was OK. She was very dazed and didn't say a word to me. I told her not to move because she may have injures that she's unaware of and to just sit still and wait for the ambulance. I didn't smell alcohol on her breath, so that was good. I couldn't imagine how she could just plow into Cindy's car like that. My first thought was alcohol. She never applied her brakes. No skid marks at all. Witnesses said the only thing that stopped her car was Cindy's car. I guess that's how there was enough force to push all of the other cars into each other. We were all parked a safe distance from each other, so that was a hell of an impact.

The young girl that was in the mortgage company turned out to be a witness who was walking next to our cars when they were hit. She told me that her boyfriend who was with her saw the lady about to hit Cindy's car and he pushed her out of the way so she wouldn't get hurt. I told them that they should play the lottery because today was their lucky day. The police and rescue came to the location and dealt with the accident. They carted the State Employee away to the hospital and the tow truck took the State Government vehicle and Cindy's car away. I'm fortunate enough to have only damage to my front and rear bumpers, my rear hatch and a few minor scratches that I guess was cause by flying debris. All in all we're lucky. Why is it that people that work for the state and local government are the biggest offenders of the state laws. It's illegal to talk on your cell phone without a hands free headset. I strongly believe that she was texting when she slammed into Cindy's car. She's lucky that vehicle was equipped with an airbag or this story would have had a much different ending.

Now what?

2010-03-22T17:01:00.002-04:00

So they passed the Health Care Reform Bill yesterday. I for one, am very happy about this. I currently have excellent health insurance and will continue to have it until June 2016. I wondered what would happen when my insurance ended. My only question is, what happens now? Who is covered, when does it start, what is/isn't covered? Where can I find out? This has been written and re-written so many times, I don't know what we ended up with.

Why can't it be nice and easy like it is in Canada, England, The Netherlands, Australia etc? Universal health care. Aren't we the RICHEST country in the world? Why can it work in these other countries but can't be implemented here? I want to find out what the Bill is all about, but at the same time I'm worried that it might be a complicated mess. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Sometimes I....

2010-03-12T00:39:00.004-05:00

Forgive to easily
Don't forgive easily enough
Am hard on people
Expect too much
Am very unsettled
Am funny
Get angry over something stupid
Want to run away
Change my mind
Feel overwhelmed
Feel underwhelmed
Want to eat healthy
Say hello to someone I don't know
Hold the door for people
Laugh at my animals
Feel like I'm losing my identity
Waste too much time pondering life
Wish I could turn back the hands of time

Out & Proud

2010-03-08T01:43:00.002-05:00

Throw your shit out there. That's what this online blog thingie is all about. Jotting down your thoughts, feelings, opinions and convictions for all the world to see. What's the point of having an online blog if you're going to set it to private? Get yourself a nice journal form Barnes and Noble, delete your Blogspot and call it a day.

If you decide to stay on Blogspot then say what you mean and mean what you say. These blogs that people write do sometimes tend to piss people off. And guess what...that's OK. They're YOUR thoughts. Say whatever you want. Having a pissy reaction to someone's blog is usually for one of two reasons. One, because they called you out on something and the truth hurts. Or two, that they flat out lied about something. And the real, honest truth is known to the two people involved.

Life is short. Be ballsy.

Defeated

2010-03-03T23:21:00.002-05:00

That's how I feel. I just wanted to work a little part time job to pass the time instead of wasting away doing nothing day after day. My back injury has drastically changed my life. For the first year after I sustained my injury, I struggled with the fact that I would never be a police officer again. It was a very difficult thing to come to terms with, but eventually, I did. Then, for the last two years I had to deal with trying to come up with a possible alternative. I knew I needed to find something that wouldn't be physically demanding. I needed a desk job with very little movement. I had to find something on a part time basis. I found the Animal Welfare Association. A non profit, no-kill animal shelter that I have been a financial supporter for a number of years now. I love what they stand for and the great work that they do. I applied for and was hired for a part time position as a front desk/adoptions counselor. I really love the people that work there. They're really passionate about animals and their welfare. They give a shit about what they do for a living. They're there because they love animals. I loved working there. It's been a great 2 month run. Sadly, I had to say goodbye today. When I first started working there, I would go home with my back feeling like it was literally on fire. I knew that that might be the case since I haven't worked in awhile. I dealt with it. After a few weeks, it got worse instead of better. The job is more physically demanding that I anticipated and that I can stand. It ripped me apart last night knowing that I had to have a talk with my supervisor today. I have to leave. It's so not what I want to do, but I have to do it. It's extremely frustrating for me. I feel like I'm in a mild depression because of it. I know there's nothing I can do to change things. I have to try to find a happy medium to smooth out my emotions. I want to stay on at AWA and volunteer there at least once a week in some non physical way. I like the people there too much not to be there in some way. I bonded with a lot of the animals too. We'll see.

Happy Birthday Mom

2010-02-18T21:56:00.002-05:00

Today, 76 years ago, my mother Helen Laura Korpuze was born into her Ukrainian and Austrian family in Philadelphia. It's been 7 years since I wished her a happy birthday in person. Happy birthday Momma....I love and miss you something terrible.

The cons and cons of Cruising

2010-02-13T18:05:00.004-05:00

Yes, you read that title right. There are NO Pros to taking a cruise if you ask me. We just returned from a 10 day cruise that we booked about 18 months ago. Neither of us have ever been on a cruise and we debated whether to go to Alaska or the Caribbean. We agreed on a Caribbean cruise. We selected Norwegian because they have the 'Freestyle Cruising' which is perfect for someone like myself who doesn't enjoy dressing up. You wear what you want and eat anytime you want. Nothing is set in stone. That was the draw. When we first got to NYC I started getting excited. When we were driving down 12th street, I saw The Norwegian Gem docked and waiting for us. I was so excited I couldn't wait to get on board. We parked the car and practically ran to the elevator to take us to the ship level. We went through customs and checked in. Then I saw the ship up close and thought, holy shit, that's huge! And for me, it was.

The first 2 and a half days we were at sea cruising towards our first port, Puerto Rico. We were kind of bored on the ship. There wasn't nearly as much to do as you might think. We sort of just walked around and twiddled our thumbs. I finally broke down and decided that I'd go to the casino. I played roulette and won $65, so I stopped there. The next day was really boring. We sat in one of the lounges and she read while I listened to my iPod, yeah I know, exciting. On the 3rd day we sailed into Puerto Rico. It looked beautiful as we pulled into the dock. Sailboats were everywhere. The landscape was breathtaking. We boarded the bus for our shore excursion, the San Juan City Tour. As we started driving around I thought to myself, geez, this looks like my old district. Run down homes, dirty streets and low class looking people walking around in rags for clothes. It was "Old San Juan". When we got to "New San Juan", I didn't see much of a difference. Their best neighborhoods were average in my opinion. It was very disappointing. I ran into The Hard Rock Cafe and grabbed a pin and we got out of dodge.
Day 2 was St. Thomas which was really nice. We bought a lot of jewelry for Cindy and I bought myself a Movado watch. They had really good prices for jewels and watches over there. I bought my watch at a chain jeweler over there because I didn't trust the small no name places. Being a watch person, I know what to look for. I saved a few hundred dollars on it.
Day 3 was Antigua. We never left the ship for this one. We had read ahead of time that St. John is a scary place for tourist and are frequently targeted.
Day 4 was St. Marteen. My favorite of all. We stayed on the Dutch side of the island. Did more shopping and had a leisurely walk around town. When we got back to the dock, a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship was docked next to us and a Celebrity Cruise ship was docked in front of us. The Royal Caribbean ship was the length of both our ship and the Celebrity ship put together. It was GIGANTIC. I thought our ship was big until I saw this monster. Wow. It was nice too.
Day 5 was Tortola. Tortola was freaking scary. They have not gotten with the times there, so there's no direct road to the beach. You literally have to go up and through the mountains to go to the beach. As we were driving through town, we noticed roosters running everywhere. People waiting at the bus stops paid the roosters no mind at all. The would walk into traffic, walk in front of people and run down back alleys. They were everywhere. The bus that we were on started making it's was up the mountain and stalled at one point. That was freaking me out because we were about 3 inches from the side of the cliff and we stalled and started rolling backwards. The only guard rail they had to protect you from going over the cliff was chicken wire. Seriously. I held on tight to the handle and said a pray. The engine in the bus was screaming and I seriously thought we'd end up on the side of the road waiting for the next bus. We did actually make it to the beach which was very disappointing. The beach was about 10 feet wide and shady. People were piled on top of each other. Thankfully we were only there for about 2 hours. The ride back through the mountains was done in a different bus, but had issues with their brakes...very scary stuff.
The islands were done. We now had to make the hike back to NYC. It was HORRIBLE for me. The last 2 1/2 days for me was absolutely miserable. I was severely seasick. I had really bad nausea and a raging headache the entire time without relief. We thought we got over on the snow storm that hit the east coast, but we didn't. When it leaves land, it hit the seas. We had waves 15 feet high which made the ship go up and down and all around. That's what made me so sick, but even on the last day when the seas was calmer, I was still sick. The damage was done. My stomach was too torn up to be repaired while still aboard that hell hole. I'll stick to flying, thanks.
To sum things up, I will never go on another cruise. Ever. I could go on and on about how much I didn't like our trip on the cruise ship, but what's the point? It was bad and I really don't understand the people that we met on the ship that are exclusive cruisers. Really? Why people, why?!?!?!

Nice to see you officer

2010-01-30T23:48:00.002-05:00

I had lunch with Ev today. We went to Cracker Barrel. I've never been there and she wanted to go because she loves their breakfast. I ended up getting breakfast also, which was really good. After "lunch" we went to the mall so she could get some things for her and her daughter. We walked around and talked and laughed. It was weird because for the first time ever, the stories about what's going on in the district that I used to work in seemed foreign to me. I couldn't seem to relate to what she was saying. It's been 3 years since I've been away from the police department and I felt like a complete outsider when I listened to her talk. I'm not a cop anymore. It really hit me today. I never will be again. Weird. I actually get nervous when I look in my car's rear view mirror and see a police car behind me now. I sit up straight, slow down and make sure I use my signal when I switch lanes. Not that I was ever reckless when I WAS a cop mind you, I'm just on my best behavior now.

It was great hanging with officer Ev. I love her and miss working with her so much. I now worry about her more than ever also...partly because I know I'm not there to get her back if things get sticky. I know she'll be OK though...she's carrying a taser these days :) Look out Kensington!!

The end

2010-01-15T22:27:00.002-05:00

I had to sever all ties with my brother tonight. His constant negativity has finally come to a head. He had an incident with a boarder he took in and it turned very ugly. It was resolved in court yesterday so I called him to see how he made out. He informed me in his very negative way that he won and the case was disposed of. I was happy for him until he said how much he hated the guy and wished "he would just get cancer and die". Now, my brother says some very venomous things from time to time, but this really hit home with me. One, because I am a cancer survivor (he never came to see me in the hospital during my cancer surgery either...I think he was too busy playing the poker machines down the casino). Two, because I have testing coming up to see if I now have cancer in another part of my body, unrelated to my first bout of cancer. What kind of jerkoff wishes cancer on someone? He is truly a mean spirited person. When he said this on the phone with me I was instantly angered and told him that we had nothing left to say to each other and that I was hanging up on him. He said ok, and I hung up. He'll probably twist things around in his head and think I was defending his old boarder and it'll never hit him that it's because of the cancer comments and how mean and negative he is. He's a sad, mean, pathetic person and I am done with him. Family or not, there's only so much a person can take.

January

2010-01-13T21:32:00.002-05:00

January is the best and worst month out of my year. January 12th is the day my girlfriend and I celebrate our anniversary and this year marks 7 years together. We have been together slightly longer than that, but we weren't exclusive in the beginning so we couldn't mark our first date as our anniversary. January 12, 2003 is the first time I told her I loved her, so we marked that as our official date. We have had quite a run so far. I love her for many reasons and am very thankful that I have her in my life. She's been my rock when I needed strength.

January is also the anniversary of my mothers death. January 29, 2003 I lost my mother to a heart attack. She had a laundry list of health issues, so it was probably only a matter of time if the heart attack didn't come when it did. It was, and always will be, the worst day of my life. Nothing that happens after that fateful day could be worse than losing her. She was my best friend. Every year I dread January 29th. I'm usually a silent train wreck that day. I keep my feelings to myself, but inside I'm suffering terribly. I miss her so much. I just hope and pray that we'll be together again someday.

January always reminds me of the good and the bad that you have to endure in life.

The Good, the bad and the rude asses

2009-12-22T17:43:00.002-05:00

This time of the year really brings the good AND the bad out of people. We had to pick up contact lenses at America's Best last night which is located in the new Walmart shopping center. Getting into the plaza was a nightmare...but getting out was worse. I was beeped at aggressively because apparently I was attempting to turn while in a straight only lane. In fairness, it was difficult to see the lines on the road because of all the snow. So, I thought I WAS in the turn lane. I didn't move when the girl in the Camry beeped at me. I waited until the traffic lights changed to green and then I moved into the actual turn lane. I was pissed. Like, come on...is all that beeping really necessary? You only had to wait probably 3 extra minutes until I got out of your way. People were just as aggressive getting out of the parking lot. Driving around the Deptford area was crazy last night. People in the mall were running around looking for last minute presents and hitting you or your bags as they hurried by. This is the first Christmas that I have actually hated being in the mix of crazy Christmas shoppers.

Today was my first day at the non profit where I work. I was only there for 2 hours observing the girls at the front desk to sorta get a feel for what we do there. In the two hours I was there, I would say that at least 8 people came in to either make monetary donations or donations of supplies, food and such. It was great. That was the better side of humanity that I needed to see after last nights experiences.

Cry baby, cry baby!

2009-12-17T18:22:00.004-05:00

I spoke to my sister recently about what to get her kids for Christmas. It seems I never know what to get them from year to year. During the conversation, she said that her doctor told her that she's going through early menopause. This doesn't surprise me at all, as I feel I am right behind her. I am so incredibly emotional lately. It takes very little to make me cry these days. I've always been an emotional person, both in a good way and a bad way. I had a temper back in the day but seem to have gotten a handle on it in recent years. But now, I seem to cry during TV shows, movies, commercials and when sappy songs come on the radio as I'm driving. I hate having no control over this. Not that I believe it's wrong to cry, or that it makes you look weak. I lost that philosophy when I left the Police Department behind me. But, I do think it's annoying lol. I was just watching the evening news and saw that an NFL player named Chris Henry died today after suffering life threatening injuries last night and I started to tear up. What the hell?!?! I never even heard of this guy, why am I tearing up over hearing that he died? I was on my Myspace page earlier and I was listening to my playlist. The song "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam came on and I started crying. I chocked up as I listened and sang along. Sigh, geeeeez. Yuck dammit. I hate being a woman sometimes. I hope this passes soon..please!!!

Christmas...good and bad

2009-12-16T14:52:00.003-05:00

I was sitting by myself eating lunch today and I started thinking about Christmas. I've had many happy times around the holidays. I had two very sad Christmas mornings in my lifetime thus far. One, was in 1981 when my brother Jack died on December 11th, exactly two weeks before Christmas. Jack was my oldest brother and the life of the family. He had a sparkling personality and everyone that met him liked him from the start. I was 12 when he died. I'll never forget the exact moment when we were told and how I felt. I wish I had known him better. He's with my mom, dad and brother Steve, so I don't feel too sad about it. I know they have each other up there.

The second bad Christmas I had was on Christmas morning 1987. I heard my mom and our neighbor talking on the front porch. I walked down the steps and went outside to see what was going on. Tom, a tuxedo cat that we cared for was laying in a cardboard box and foaming from his mouth. It was a pathetic sight. Tom was a strong, big, fat happy cat with a chipped ear, a battle wound from one of his many street fights. Tom first came to us a few years earlier when we discovered him in our backyard. He befriended us and we took care of him from then on. He was an outdoor cat and refused to stay in the house, so we fed him, gave him shelter in the basement during the winters and let him out when he demanded it. Apparently, that Christmas morning, he licked some antifreeze from a car that had a leak parked outside our neighbors house. If you weren't aware, antifreeze smells good to cats, but of course, is deadly. We had to take Tom to the PSPCA that morning where they gave us no hope. Tom had to be put down. I was crushed. Tom was a great cat. This bad experience is the exact reason why I believe every cat should be an indoor cat. Cats aren't supposed to roam free in the streets, they're domesticated. Tom was a good boy an is still missed today.

Christmas 2002 was the best Christmas ever. My mom who was hospitalized a few weeks earlier was sent home and feeling better. I went to her house and celebrated with her, my sister's family and my brother. It was great. The following month, my mother died. So, it made this Christmas even more special. I miss you mom and hope you have a beautiful Christmas with the family that are with you. I know I'll see you again someday and we can celebrate together again.

It's about damn time girl!

2009-12-03T00:52:00.004-05:00

Drum roll please....Sade has announced the release of a new studio album. For us Sade lovers, this is big news! I have been waiting for new material from her since the release of Lovers Rock in 2000. I saw her in concert at the Tweeter Center in Camden New Jersey on August 11, 2001....she was amazing! I was tickled pink that she had India Arie open for her during that tour. They both gave powerhouse performances. Sade's new album is called Soldier of Love and will be released on February 8th 2010. I am now counting down the days! Wooooohoooo :)

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T17:42:00.002-05:00

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I was given a clean bill of health with all of my post-surgery MRI's showing that the cancer has not returned to my kidneys. I am thankful for still having the ability to walk and to be able to function with the type of back injury I have. I certainly do not take any chance with it either. I lead a semi boring life to ensure I do no further damage to it. It's bad enough the way it is and I heed my doctors warnings of it possibly getting worse. I won't be cliff diving or jet skiing anymore in my life, but that's ok because I'm here and happy about that. I am thankful for the good friends I have. I am thankful for Cindy being in my life and being an extremely supportive person. I am thankful that I had friendships that mattered to me throughout my life and feel sad that some of them ended. I am thankful that I have great, healthy pets that make me smile frequently. To all of you, here and gone, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families.

Are you serious?

2009-11-23T17:35:00.002-05:00

I had to go help my brother with something today, so instead of going over the WW or BF bridge, I decided to take the ride down Route 130 South to get there. It's the route I used to take to go back to my old apartment in Philly which is close to where my brother lives. I'm driving along minding my own business, happy that the crazy New Jersey drivers are behaving themselves. I get to the point where I usually merge to the right lane because I'm coming up to the exit ramp for the Betsy Ross Bridge and I catch a red light. As I'm waiting for the light to change, I do my usual and take a look around at the other drivers and what's on the side of the roads. Then I see this disgusting sight that shocked and angered me. As soon as I saw it, it turned my stomach and I wanted to vomit. There, on the side of the road near a trucking company was the body of a dead deer. Not an uncommon sight in NJ, but what made this one different was the fact that this dead deer had no head. Some sick fucker took the time to cut the deers head off. Now, two things entered my mind immediately. Well, three things, but I'll get to my final thought after I say this...number one, someone either killed this deer while hunting, took it home and cut the head off and then drove to this location and dumped it's body...or two, someone saw the dead deer laying on the side of the road like I did and came back and took it's head off during the night. Either way, what a sick, twisted thing to do. Everyone who knows me knows that I am not shy about my feelings about hunters. I think they're spineless, ball-less coward bastards. I hate them and have no respect for them whatsoever. I don't fall for the usual reasons they have for their hunts; i.e., to control the population, to control ticks that cause Lyme Disease, for food, blah blah blah. You're a weakling that needs to shoot a defenseless animal to make yourself feel more like a man. But, I digress......getting back to the deer on the road, what the hell is wrong with people? How could you just leave a deer on the side of a road with no head on it. It was upsetting for me to see, can you imagine the effects it will have when kids see it? What a disgrace.

Hey, dems fightin words!

2009-11-20T16:06:00.003-05:00

I was born and raised in Philadelphia. I lived 40 years in The City of Brotherly Love. I loved being associated with the city that brought us The Cheese steak, The Hoagie (not a hero or Sub), Scrapple, Pepper pot soup and of course, Rocky :) The city as a rich history, being the birthplace of the nation and the hometown of Betsy Ross, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Edgar Allen Poe and of course Toni Basil (oh Mickey, you're so fine). Yep, my city. I became a police officer in 1996 in the city I grew up in. I slowly but sure began to hate this city. I saw the underside of Philly. The dregs of society. The hookers, drug addicts, drug dealers and killers that roam free until discovered by the police and taken off the streets. For every one scumbag we take of the street, there are two standing by to replace them. I dislike the City Of Philadelphia for many reasons these days, yet I found myself defending it when I heard someone trash talking about it. It's like, I can talk trash because I'm FROM Philly, but you can't! I just sat by listening as this guy was majorly trash talking about it to someone on the other end of his cell phone. I was getting angry. He was trashing our sports teams, our mayor, our streets etc. I just sat there thinking, hey, that's my old city, shut up! Then I sat back and realized that 90% of the things he was saying were true. LOL I lightened up a bit after that. Then as he ended his conversation, he said "that's why I'm glad I live in Camden". If I didn't see his face when he said that, I would have thought that he was joking. But, he wasn't. It was then that I realized this guy was loco :) In case you weren't aware, Camden has made several lists as the nation's worst city. Philly might be the pits, but it's still much better than Camden. We have culture. Museums, fine restaurants, The Avenue of the Arts, major sports teams, some of the best colleges and universities in the country and, Geno's Steaks :) It's amazing were your next positive thought is going to come from.

Chocolate and Vanilla Ice Cream

2009-11-16T14:48:00.003-05:00

People will never agree on things. Whether it be about politics, religion, who's the best sports team, how to raise children or the way a friendship died. I was reading blogs from my blog lists and came across Karin's new blog. This is what she wrote about me this time:

Over years of friendship, I watched my former friend alienate and discard people over silly things like not returning phone calls within a day, or not agreeing with her on social policies. I thought our relationship was above all of that, but I was wrong.

First off, our relationship WAS above all that. If I let your rude and inconsiderate ways or social differences interfere with our friendship, we would have ended it years ago. I think I was a pretty great friend to you over the years. If you ever needed anything, who did you call first? Me, that's right. I could be and was counted on for everything. That's the way I work. If I love you, I'll do anything for you.

Keep playing the victim. Tell yourself and your friends about how I did you wrong. Mean old Lynn just up and discarded me for no reason. She always does that, but I thought we were tighter than that. I know, I'm just an asshole and you haven't done anything wrong. You're starting to sound like Ralph. Keep talking enough shit, you'll start to believe it's true. Btw, if you don't start changing your rude behavior, all these new friends you're making will get tired of it just as quickly as most people do and leave too. Do yourself a favor, stop being so inconsiderate.

P.S. we have 8 mutual friends on FB, so you saying that you deleted Cindy and everyone else that we had in common was just a lie.

To dump or not to dump..that IS the question

2009-11-12T22:19:00.002-05:00

Ah, my brother. I was washing the dishes the other day when I received a call from my brothers boarder. He was worried because my brother had gone to the casino the previous day and has not been home yet. He stated that my brother called him earlier in the day and asked him to wire him money done there. He stated that he wasn't sure what to do because my brother was highly intoxicated and irrational. He also stated that since the first of the month had past he had already payed his rent, so he wasn't sure how my brother would have paid him back since he's on a fixed income and has now spent the extra money he gets per month. I told him to ignore the call and by no means wire him a dime. I told him of my brothers drinking, gambling and lying problems and assured him that this was normal and he need not worry about him, that he would be stumbling home any minute now. He went on to tell me that this is a frequent occurrence. This struck me as surprising since he's only lived with my brother for about 6 weeks. He told me about a lot of stuff that my brother has been doing. My brother is under the impression that I'm dumb and am unaware of his issues. I guess it's partly my fault since I usually play along when he denies things that I know to be true. In January of this year, I couldn't take it anymore and I called him out of his lies. This turned into a heated exchange and I ended up hanging up on him. I didn't speak to him for about 7 months until the day he had a major blow up with his half sister Debbie. He called me for legal advice, and I mistakenly answered the call. That lead to us speaking on a semi regular basis again. He picked up exactly where he left off with the lies and denials. It's an absolute chore to talk to him. He swims in a sea of negativity and it's extremely draining. And, this is coming from someone who has less than an optimistic outlook on life. I'm at least trying to change. He will NEVER change. I think I'm going to have to write him a letter and ask him to face his issues and get back to me when he can admit he has them. I guess I'll never hear from him again.

The breakdown

2009-10-29T16:33:00.007-04:00

It's been said many times that lesbians are a rare breed. We frequently remain friends with our exes long after our relationships fall apart for one reason or another. I guess the only way the scenario would change is if it was an ugly break up. I have been one of the girls that has remained friendly with my exes. A lot of people wonder why that is when they hear the stories of the break ups. People call me stupid, naive or just way too forgiving for even talking to them, let alone remain friends with them. I usually say life is short and I used to love these girls, so why now should I hate them? I've been thinking about it lately, here's the break up stories..what do you think?

Girlfriend #1
I actually cheated on HER and left her to be with someone else, so I thought if she forgave me, we could stay in contact. She did end up forgiving me and we have had a rocky friendship ever since. I am not a cheater by nature and have never done it again. I am a 'learn from your mistakes' kinda person. I think the rockiness that we share now has nothing to do with my past, I think it has mostly to do with her skitzy personality. Many people find it difficult hanging out with her. I know that she is a good person deep down and doesn't mean to be so 'in your face'. She's just the kind of person that you have to be around in small doses. We run hot and cold. As of today, we talk...very infrequently, but we do talk. I'm OK with this arrangement.

Girlfriend #2
She's the one I actually left gf number 1 for. She's a very happy, personable, funny and carefree person. We had a short lived relationship that ended because she moved onto someone else. She claims that she never cheated on me, but I know in my heart that that's not true. I am still in contact with her and speak to her on an every now and then basis. She's fun to hang out with and I enjoy hanging with her and new new gf. They're a lot of fun. As far as her cheating on me, I guess I think of it like this...I can't prove it, so I'll just deal with it. She's not the kind of person that will ever admit it. I don't think she wants to be thought of as a person that would emotionally hurt another person. She has done that in the past though, so why would I be the exception? I have swept it under the rug and remain cool with her.

Girlfriend #3
I fell completely in love with her fast and furious. We had a very short lived, passionate, long distance relationship. There was a big age difference between us, but it didn't bother either of us. I loved her, her family and her friends. I really liked being up in the mountain area where she lived. It was clean, quiet and peaceful up there. Much different then living in Philadelphia. It was my little mini vacation. All of my days off were spent up in NEPA. We started dating in February and by October things started getting weird. I was concerned and asked her if things were OK, or should we talk about stuff. I was assured things were good. November 7th, I received a call saying that she wanted to end the relationship. I was completely blindsided. The very next day I hear that she's out sharing coffee with a new girl name Linda. She claims that they were just friends but they had a short fling couple weeks later. Pretty slimy if you ask me. When I asked for a reason why our relationship ended, I never really got a good answer. To this day, I really don't know what happened. It's all good though, I survived. I talk to her from time to time.

Girlfriend #4
I met her through gf #2. She dated my ex (gf #2) after I did. VERY shortly after I did, suspiciously. She was in a young relationship the day I was asked to hang out by gf #2. I was invited to watch a football game over gf #2's house and gf #4 and her new girlfriend were there too. I wasn't feeling too good, so I wasn't going to go over to watch the game, but I figured, what the hell. I sat in a papasan chair with a blanket over me as I watched the game. During the tail end of the game I started staring over at gf #4. I was scoping her out during commercials and the post game show. I thought to myself, Hmm, she's pretty cute, I never really noticed that before". Long story short, gf #2 told gf #4 that I liked her and we started dating shortly after she broke up with her girlfriend (I don't think I had anything to do with the breakup). It was a pretty good relationship in my eyes. I loved her very much. I think she loved me as much as she was able to love someone. She had commitment issues. September 11, 2001 changed my life for several reasons. Number one of course, is the terrorist attacks that our country endured. Because of that act, she began to go up to NYC every weekend to volunteer her services. She was a social worker and used her skills to help people that were directly affected by this tragedy. Sometime during her trips, she met someone else and cheated on me. I don't know to what extent, but I do know it was more than just emotional. Slowly our relationship began to unravel. I was not happy and tried to 'fix' it. One day I reached for my checkbook to write out my monthly checks, and I opened it and saw my balance was incorrect. Then I noticed it wasn't my checkbook, it was hers. We shared the same bank, same color checkbook and almost the same handwriting. As I realized my mistake, I noticed a check entry to a school. I was happy because she was feeling very overwhelmed and wanted a career change, so I thought, great, she's made a decision to go back to school. Well, I was right, she went back to school...but it was in NYC. She made secret plans to start a new life in NY without me in it. A lot happened between then and when my mother died in 2003. She moved back to the Philly area and we became very good friends. I overlooked the stuff that happened in the past. Many of our shared friends think that gf #4 is very offensive with the comments that she makes. She sometimes says things that were supposed to be between us. She has the attitude, well, that's the way I am, if you don't like it, screw you. I think the worst thing that she's done was not come to see me when I was in the hospital for my cancer surgery. She made plans before the surgery date was set, so I understood when she said that she'd be away. But, then those plans fell through and instead of being happy that she could now go to see her best friend in the hospital, she decided to make other plans to hang out away from home with people that she's known for less than a year. Made me feel really important. Loved. Recently we had a falling out. She claims to not understand why. I think if she took time to think back, maybe it will come to her someday. You reap what you sow. Treat people decently, they'll love you forever...treat them less than that, they'll leave. Throughout our relationship and then our friendship, I was always an afterthought. She'll read this and disagree and may even want to add a comment. Don't, there's no need. And quite honestly, I don't want to go back and forth with this. Our fallout has nothing to do with the hospital...that was just one more thing that I dealt with and forgave you for. You're a harsh, mean spirited person who frequently hurts peoples feelings with no apologies...to people that you don't know and don't matter to you and to people that loved you and would have done anything for you. Those days are done and so am I.

So, what do you think people? Am I an idiot for remaining in the lives of these girls? My mom always said I was a sucker. Maybe she was right.

Crying shame

2009-10-15T13:04:00.002-04:00

I went to the animal shelter last night for the volunteer orientation. There were about 10 of us there. The coordinator Diane introduced herself and began the meeting by telling us a little bit of info about the shelter itself and the different positions that were available for volunteering. The next step was to take a tour of the facility. That's when I became overwhelmed and saddened by what I saw. They have a kennel area for the limited amount of dogs that they have available for adoption. We were allowed in the kennels to meet the dogs. All but 2 of the dogs available were pitbulls. Now, I'm not one of those people that smack talk about pitbulls. I believe you should punish the deed, not the breed. I know people that have pitbulls has family pets and they're great dogs. I also know that there are people out there that train them to fight, so of course those dogs are hostile. I bonded with 2 of the pitbulls. They were so cute and friendly. If I didn't have the 2 little peanut pups, I would have adopted one. They're actually giving a lot of these dogs away for free to the right families in the month of October. They need to make room for more. I know what happens if these dogs don't find homes. So, that thought broke my heart as I was petting a pit.

After the kennels, we went to the cattery. They have a TON of cats and kittens. The one difference I noticed about this shelter versus other area shelters is, is that this one has cat cages lining the halls. The have several cats and kittens in each cage. The cattery is full...the halls are full. All of these poor babies looking for forever homes. It was heart breaking. I actually like the idea of having the halls lined with the cat cages. They're using the space that they have in an attempt to save more cats. If they just used the cattery, all of those cats in the hall would have had to have been destroyed. It's very congested as you walk around the shelter, but in my opinion, it's better than the alternative. They also have several area Petsmarts that work with them where they have tons of cats available for adoption. It just makes me so mad that irresponsible people can't do something simple like spay or neuter their animals. Most of the shelters have the spay fee included in the cost of the adoption. All you have to do is return a few weeks later and have the procedure done. I guess that's just too much to ask. What really made me sad as I was looking around the shelter yesterday was the thought of this being only one shelter in one area of one state. There are thousands of shelters across the country that are in the same situation. If you think about stuff like that too much, it will really overwhelm you and make you feel helpless. That's pretty much were I am right now. I think way too much!

Football Fever

2009-10-13T15:18:00.002-04:00

I can't remember the last time I was this excited about a football season. I am following this season like no other in the past. There are so many surprisingly great changes this season and teams that stepped up to make this an enjoyable year to watch thus far. Who would have thought The Broncos would be 5-0? Who would have thought The Vikings would be 5-0? Who would have thought that The Jaguars and the Titans would be doing so poorly? And the new kid on the block, Mark Sanchez making it enjoyable to watch The Jets finally. Of course, the Jets lost last night in the Monday Night Football game, B-U-T..what a GREAT game it was. I'd rather lose a game like that than be blown out of the water. He was toe to toe with The Dolphins the whole night. He was great. The Dolphins were great. Both teams played like it was the Superbowl. Kudos to both teams. Kyle Orton is The Broncos new QB replacing Jay Cutler. In fact, in case you didn't know, they switch teams..Cutler went to Orton's old team, The Bears. Jay Cutler has always been overrated in my opinion. He thinks he's better than he is. And Kyle Orton has always been underrated. I think he's a good QB and he seems to feel right at home with his new city and team. Another fun guy to watch is Peyton Manning. He's the man. He comes up with some crazy shizz sometimes. He recently broke Fran Tarkenton's record for the most career TD passes. He is now 3rd in line behind the likes of Dan Marino (number 2) and Brett Favre (number 1). Yep, this is the kind of season that would have made me purchase the Direct TV football season pass. Had I known it was going to be this good, I would have spent the $$. I can't wait to see how this season ends. So far, it's been great.

I feel better now....kinda

2009-10-01T13:27:00.002-04:00

I went to HUP to see my Urologist for the CT Scan test results. We waited in a tiny little office as I listened to Cindy talk on her cell phone and to people walking by the office. I was worried. I thought that I might get bad news. Dr. Malkowicz came into the room with a smile on his face and gave his usual pleasant salutations. He opened the file took a look at the information and told us that my kidneys were nice and clear. No signs of anything being wrong. What a relief. I felt great. I asked him if it was possible that the person reading my report saw the irregular kidney and assumed they were masses because they were unaware that I had prior surgery. He stated that's probably what happened. Whew, now I felt a ton of brinks slowly come off my back. It's an awesome feeling to be told that you're healthy after experiencing cancer. You have a new found appreciation for life. He looked back down on the paperwork and told me that yes, my kidneys are clear, but there's one or two small pea sized nodules in my lung. WHAT?!? My immediate reaction was What the F*ck? He stated that he wasn't overly concerned however because a lot of people that live in larger cities develop these little nodules because of pollution and other environmental issues and it may not be a big deal. So, he scheduled a CT Scan for my lungs next week. I'll call next week to get the results, then I'll have a repeat CT Scan in March to compare the two to make sure the nodules haven't grown into masses or anything worse. I'm not going to worry about this. I'll take him at his word that this may be normal for someone like myself who was exposed to the yuckiness of big city life. We shall see.....

Duct Taped Cat Offender Arrested

2009-09-28T18:24:00.003-04:00

Last week someone in Philadelphia decided it would be funny to duct tape a cat. Luckily, the moron thought enough about it that he didn't duct tape the face, so the cat was able to breathe. I can't imagine what the poor cat was thinking and how scared it was when it was being taped. I have problems with this story for so many reasons. Number one, why was the cat even allowed outside so some sick fucker would be able to do it? I despise when people allow their animals to roam free outside of their yards, especially those living in a big city like Philadelphia. Cars, trucks, other animals, and people are all out there to do the animals harm. People are mean...hence this story. Number two, the act itself makes me absolutely furious. What's wrong with people that makes them do things like this? Why does it not surprise me that the offender lives in North Philly? I am an observer of people. I notice things more than most people do. I guess it's the cop in me. We are trained to have a good eye, take everything in. I noticed a lot of people that supported Michael Vick were from the black community. There were some people from the white community that supported him also, but I tend to believe that the majority were from the black community. Why is this behavior acceptable to them? Why are they not as outraged as other communities? It's like these actions are normal, everyday occurrences. I'm not going to jump subjects and get into why The Department of Human Services in involved with the majority of "families" in my old district because they have a completely different mindset than other people. I'll TRY to steer clear of that kind of blog because to some, instead of seeing it as the truth and wondering why that is and what can be done to turn them around, they'll look at it as me being a racist. It's just easier to call me a racist than to deal with the problem. Anyway, back to what I was saying. It takes a sick, twisted fucker to do these evil things to animals. It takes a person void of feelings, compassion and kindness to think it's OK to do things like that and forgive them for their heinous actions like it's no big deal. I'm glad that they caught this asshole, but I doubt that very much will be done to him in the end. You can pretty much get away with murder these days...who cares about a little insignificant animal, right? Maybe when he gets out of jail, we can sign him up to work for the Eagles as a quarterback coach. The story of the asshole is below:

Teen Arrested In Duct-Taped Cat Case

PHILADELPHIA - The Pennsylvania SPCA says an arrest has been made in the duct taping of a female cat named "Sticky."

Fox 29's Nefertiti Jaquez reported,19-year-old James Davis, of the 2100 block of 22nd Street, was taken into custody Sunday.

Humane Law Enforcement Officers tell Fox 29 News that Davis admitted to taping the cat because he was "annoyed." He said that he saw the cat in his backyard and he didn't know what came over him.

Officers also say Davis left the duct-taped cat in his yard for several hours but because it was screaming so much, he dumped the cat across the walkway.

The SPCA received information about Davis throughout their investigation. The agency was offering a $2,000 reward for an arrest in the case. Davis' yard backs up to the property on Edgely Street where the cat was found.

"He did seem remorseful for the incident," said humane society police officer Derrick Schlitter. He did seem -- he did want to get it off of his chest. He stated that he just didn't know where his head was, that he doesn't really know why it happened. ... When we got talking to him, basically he stated that he was responsible for the cat."

Officials may wind up paying out the reward money as an anonymous tip helped lead authorities to Davis.

"We followed up on the tips, and this was the one that led to a suspect," Schlitter said. "There was evidence that corroborated the anonymous tip."

Police released a photo of Davis late Monday morning, saying he has been charged with cruelty to animals and possessing an instrument of crime. He was still being processed by Central Detectives at noon.

"It's tough. But you can tell that he is young, and he thinks he made a mistake," Schlitter said. " And hopefully we can prevent anything like this happening again."

If convicted, Davis could get 90 days in jail.

In Remembrance

2009-09-26T17:32:00.002-04:00

My brother, sister and I attended my nephew Sean's memorial today. There was quite a number of people there. The family had a poster board of pictures of Sean by himself and with friends and family. They had an old picture of him and my deceased brother Stephen. I thought to myself, they're together again. They had a picture of me, my mom and the boys sitting on a sofa. I was probably about 20 in that old picture. My nephew Christopher pointed the picture out and made sure I knew that they included me in their collage. I was happy about that. This tragedy has definitely made me feel closer to that side of my family.

The service was very nice. The pastor said some prayers and shared some memories of the boys from when they were younger. Then it was time for the eulogy. My nephew Stephen was going to give the eulogy. I held back my tears pretty successfully up until that point. Stephen took the microphone and stood at the podium and looked around without saying a word. He stood there for a few minutes unable to speak. His friends yelled up to him saying it was OK, take your time Steve. He said he had so much to say, but couldn't find the words. Then he started crying. That made me cry so bad I think I was actually sobbing. It was so hard for him to form words to express how much he loved and would miss his brother. The only words he was able to say were..'he's my brother, and I love him'. It was absolutely gut wrenching to watch him up there. My nephew Christopher quickly went up to the podium and hugged Stephen and took the microphone and stated talking about the person that Sean was. The practical joker. He apparently tortured his brothers and sister with pranks all the time. He smiled all the time. He had a passion for gun collecting and enjoyed going to the firing range several times a week. Chris laughed that as much as Sean enjoyed firing his guns, he would never go hunting. He loved animals and would never think of hunting them. He thought that that was cruel. Chris said that Sean once told him that deer were too cute to shoot. I didn't know that Sean had such a soft side to him. I'm happy to know that about him. Chris and Steve went back to their seats and then some friends came up to share their stories about Sean. It was a very nice service and I'm glad that he had a large turnout. Irene needs the support and she got a lot of it today. I have to keep in touch with them and stay somewhat involved in their lives.

U2....17 years later

2009-09-24T01:26:00.003-04:00

I have always like U2. They were one of my favorite bands as I was growing up in the late 80's and early 90's. I got a chance to see them in concert at the old Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia during their 1992 ZooTV Tour. It was awesome. I was blown away by Bono's energy and all the things he stands up for and preaches about. He is definitely a soapbox speaker, but I'm OK with it, because 95% of the things he's passionate about, I agree with. Cindy won the tickets and the concert was at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford New Jersey. Yes, this is where the New York Giants play their football games and it's dangerously close to New York City. I say dangerously because the closer you get to NYC, the worse the drivers get. VERY aggressive and rude shenanigans go on around that end of the turnpike. We thought we'd have plenty of time to get there, so we didn't leave Cindy's house until 4:30. We were fine until we neared the turnpike exit to Giants Stadium. It was a complete cluster fuck. It took us literally 45 minutes just to drive about 1/10 of a mile through the tolls. It was a severe bottle neck effect. Then when we did actually get closer to the stadium, we had to sit in more traffic for about another hour and a half-ish just to get inside the parking lot area. It was EXTREMELY frustrating. Part of me just wanted to say screw it and go home. The problem with that was, we were stuck in the damn traffic, so I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. We made it into the parking lot by like about 8:15. The concert was supposed to start at 8:00 but I think they delayed the start because of the traffic situation. Apparently it's worse than usual because they're building a new Giants Stadium next to the old Giants Stadium, so the construction is horrible. That was that.

We finally made it into the stadium, missed the opening act by a band named Muze, and sat in our cramped little seat designed for anyone under 120 pounds. Once the concert started though, I was very happy that we were there. Bono and the boys kicked ass. It took me back to 1992 watching Bono run around the stage like a young guy. He has more energy than some 20 year old kids I know. He did not disappoint. That man is a true Rock star. We had fun...stayed until the first encore and then snuck out to try to beat that damn traffic. We were successful thankfully. Thanks U2 for still rocking it out after all these years. I needed the night out. I've had a shitty week and this was a good way to relieve some stress. Hanging with my boobie helped too. In the words of Bono and the boys...ain't love the sweetest thing....

Sean Michael Korpuze 11/06/89-09/20/09

2009-09-20T13:16:00.002-04:00

The doctors did the final tests that they needed to do last night and my nephew showed no signs of being able to breathe on his own. He remained brain dead. They told my sister in law that there was no hope, and she decided that she would donate his organs. The hospital staff informed her that there was 8 potential recipients. That is the only thing that makes me feel better about this situation. His respirator was turned off and he died. I hope that my sister in law decides to meet with the organ recipients. If she does not, I hope that I, as his aunt, will be allowed to do it. I want to know them, meet them. I hope my brother Steve welcomed Sean with open arms when he reached the afterlife last night. I hope that's what happens when we die. Rest in peace Sean.

Too young to die

2009-09-19T21:02:00.004-04:00

I got news yesterday that my 19 year old nephew was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident and was rushed to HUP with severe head injuries. Apparently, he bought a brand new motorcycle a few months ago and he was using it to drive to Modells to get new sneakers in South Philly. There's a Modells in the same neighborhood he lives in, but I guess with the weather so nice out yesterday, we wanted to take the bike for a longer ride. My nephew Sean is my brother Stephens son. I have had little contact with my brothers children after he passed in 1994. Christmas and maybe an occasional visit here and there. We aren't really that close. When I received the news about Sean, I was so upset. I went to his house and picked up his younger sister Jamie and we went to the hospital where we met up with his other brothers and his mom. I saw him lying in the hospital bed with a towel covering his head and his face swollen to the point where you were unable to recognize him. He had tubes running in and out of his mouth and other parts of his body and he was breathing with the help of a respirator. It was a truly sad sight.

I called my friend Jenn who is a cop in the district where the accident occurred. She told me that the police report stated that he was riding behind a City of Philadelphia trash truck and when the trash truck slowed down, he attempted to go around it by passing it on the right...what he didn't know, was the trash truck was attempting to make a right turn. He slammed into the back quarter panel of the truck and was then lodged underneath of it. The responding officers and medics thought he was dead on their arrival, but he was hanging on to life. He was not wearing a helmet. I don't know how fast he was going when he made contact with the truck. I don't want to know either. He was rushed to HUP with a brain hemorrhage and other serious injuries and the staff immediately took him into surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain. By the time I was notified and arrived at the hospital, they had him in the Intensive Care After Surgery Unit. I stayed with my family for about an hour, then we left. The doctors gave us little hope that he would make it through the night. His brother Stephen went back and stayed with him all night.

Today when I arrived, there wasn't much of a change. He is breathing on the respirator and looks horrible. The doctor came in at one point and asked us to leave the room so they could preform a test. Then, a bit later, he came into the family waiting area and told us that the test the performed was to check is breathing on his own. He explained that the part of the brain that controls your breathing is pretty well protected, but due to the impact and severity of Sean's accident, that part of his brain has been damaged. He's not able to breath on his own. They said they'll do the same test 2 more times before they make any decisions because of the stakes, they have to be right. A different doctor gives his/her opinion each time the test is performed so it's not biased. The second test showed the same as the first. They'll perform the last test sometime after midnight tonight. I asked if there was anyway this condition would ever reverse itself, and the doctor stated that it would take a miracle. I appreciated his honesty. I don't think doctors should give hope where there is no hope. And he was very sympathetic when he delivered the news. He is considered brain dead.

I feel horrible about this situation for a few reasons. Number one of course, is that it's my nephew and he's only 19 years old. He turns 20 on November 6th. Number two, life is short and I feel horrible that I haven't had a more active role in my niece and nephews lives. Three, now it appears too late to start over with Sean. They are my family. I failed them. I have a strained relationship with his older brother Christopher due to an incident that occurred 5 years ago. Although, he was very nice to me today which in my opinion means that we've both grown since then and have silently put that behind us. My nephews have turned out to be good guys. Stephen is 22, Chris is 21 and Sean would be 20 soon. They all have full time jobs and take good care of each other and their mom. They have great personalities and none of them smoke or do drugs. In the neighborhood that they grew up in, that's quite an accomplishment. I'm proud that they took the high road in life. Is it ever too late to make things right? I couldn't stop crying when they said Sean was brain dead. Thoughts of him and my brother meeting each other in the afterlife flooded my mind. Will Steve be happy to see his son again, or sad that he never really had a life here on earth? There's been too much tragedy in my family and my life so far. I am going to make some changes. As for my nephew Sean, I'll be hoping for a miracle tonight.

Jersey Girl

2009-09-13T22:52:00.003-04:00

Well, it's official. I'm a resident of New Jersey. I swapped my Pennsylvania drivers license for a New Jersey Drivers license this week. My New Jersey tags for my car have been ordered and they'll be on their way soon. I had to wait for them because I chose an "Animal Friendly" plate that the state offers so I didn't get the plates immediately, they gave me a paper temporary tag for my back window. And lastly, my Geico Insurance was transferred to New Jersey as well. I'm still technically in my apartment in Philly until the end of October, but I told my landlord if she can find someone to move in sooner, I'd have no problem moving out sooner. I've schedule my cats to move in Cindy's house on October 1st. I'm giving her a few weeks to get used to the idea. I've still been going home every other day to spend the night with the cats. I know they miss me, and I miss them too. I love them and can't wait to blend the family (dogs & cats). There's definitely going to be an adjustment period. Both Lilli and Chicken are type A personalities. They're Alpha animals. So, we'll see how that pans out. George loves everyone, so I'm not worried about him at all. Baby's pretty much the same way.

I've never lived outside of Philadelphia. For 40 years I've lived there. Yuck. I'm so happy to be rid of that damn city. Cindy's little town is much better. It's starting to change a bit though. It's not the same small town that it was 7 years ago. We've made changes to her house recently to improve the value so we can put the house up for sale in the spring. Cindy invested in a beautiful hardwood floor for the living and dining room and a new Granite counter top in the kitchen. It made a major improvement on the look of the house. Very nice. I've been on Realtor.com shopping for our new house. I've found some really beautiful homes but try not to get too excited because I know we're not ready yet. But, it gives me a general idea of what we can afford. I'm excited. City's house is nice, but way too small. I'll just keep torturing myself and shop for that perfect house online. :) Oh well.

Crossing my fingers

2009-09-02T16:39:00.002-04:00

I went back to HUP yesterday to get a CT Scan of my kidneys. A couple months ago I got a routine MRI done for my back and along with the results of my back was a side note stating that I had a mass that was observed in my left kidney. This was like Deja Vu. This is exactly how I found out about the original cancer 18 months ago. Doing testing on my back, and an 'oh, by the way' message at the bottom of the report. Of course I contacted my doctor at HUP and told him about it. I already had an appointment for my 3rd post-op MRI to make sure the cancer had not returned. Ironically, the back MRI report beat the other one to the punch. So, my CT Scan was scheduled 45 days sooner.

I went into the X-Ray room and had my chest X-Ray done while I waited for the staff to contact my insurance company. Apparently when they re-scheduled my appointment, the forgot to call sooner to get a pre-approval from IBX for the CT Scan, so I had to wait about 90 minutes for that. No biggie. As they lead me into the ladies waiting room area, I saw about 10 women from all ethnic backgrounds and ages ranging from mid thirties to late sixties. There were 2 women there that were knitting. I think they were sisters. The nurse came out and called me back to start an IV, then sent me back into the waiting room with a 32 ounce cup of Barium. OMG, that stuff was HORRIBLE. I don't know if you ever had to drink a Barium, but if not....let me tell you, it sucks!! And of course I got the Big Gulp size...lol. In fairness, everyone did, but I felt a bit more yucky about it then most of the girls.

The 2 ladies that were knitting were very friendly and very forward. They had no problem telling everyone in the waiting area that they were there because one of the sisters has advanced Pancreatic Cancer and was there for more testing because they believe it is now spreading to her other organs. She was very optimistic considering. By the time were all called to the back, we all knew what everyone else was there for thanks to one of the knitting girls. It was kinda cool because we were all sharing our stories of worry, pain and resentment but were also sharing stories of hope, courage and faith as well. It almost seemed like we were friends as we parted ways because we all wished each other good luck and told each other to stay positive. It was a nice feeling. I'm taking that positivity into my meet with my doctor later this month when I go back for my results. Here's hoping :)

Something new to boo hoo

2009-08-29T20:30:00.002-04:00

Almost every time I've gone to the back doctor for my herniation, he's asked me if I've had pains shooting down into my buttocks or down my legs yet. He always says yet. He explained to me that it's a common occurrence for someone with my type of injury. Well, a few weeks ago I had a short, fast shooting pain down into my buttocks and then straight down my leg. It hurt a little for the rest of the day, but no big deal. Not nearly as bad as the pain that I have already been experiencing. I reported it to the doctor and thought that was the pain he had been referring to. Well, it wasn't. Yesterday was the worst pain experience since my injury occurred. I have a shooting pain down into my buttocks, down my leg and a numbing pins & needles sensation happening. It kills me to sit down, stand up, bend over or just cross my legs. It affects me in many different ways. Apparently I have Sciatica. That's the pain he was talking about. I haven't experienced it until last night. You take for granted the muscles you use on a daily basis for all the little things. Crossing your legs, standing up, coughing, reaching for something, etc. This sciatica is unbearable. I couldn't even lay flat on my back laying in bed last night. It was absolutely horrible. All night I attempted to find a comfortable position without any luck. I eventually just feel asleep. I cried myself to sleep. I had a major breakdown and cried to Cindy because it was so painful. I wanted to go to the hospital but knew they really couldn't do anything for me. I need to go to my back doctor first thing Monday morning and pray that he'll AT LEAST give me a cortisone shot to help ease this. I dreaded having to make this decision, but I may have to have the very risky surgery to help elevate this pain. If this Sciatica is my future, I MUST do something now to make life better. This is unacceptable and I am not willing to live my life in constant pain anymore. I know God is only supposed to give you what He thinks you can handle, but I have to say, I'm wearing very thin.

Differences

2009-08-20T14:14:00.016-04:00

People have differences everyday. My friend Lisa and I used to get into these heated debates all the time about things like poverty, capital punishment and politics. We disagreed on almost every subject that falls into one of those categories. As hard as she tried, she could never get me to see her point of view and vise versa, but at the end of the debate, we'd laugh saying the other one was crazy, blind and stubborn. Then we'd agree to disagree. I'm a stubborn person with very strong opinions, but I have never lost a friendship over one.....until recently. And, for all the wrong reasons. My best friend had it in her head that I was mad at her because of a difference of opinion that we had concerning Michael Vick, of all things. Michael Vick is a douche bag and always will be in my opinion, but I would never turn on anyone, especially a friend, and never my BEST friend over stupid ass Michael Vick. I think she's missing the big picture. Michael Vick had nothing to do with why I was upset with her. But, if it makes her feel better to think that that's the real reason, then so be it. I can't change people's mind about what they believe, hence the beginning of this blog.

In the end, we'll both have different opinions of the demise of our friendship and blame one another. All I can say, is that this isn't what I wanted as an end result. I didn't see this disagreement as a friendship ending dispute. But, I received a message today stating that that is in fact the way it's going to be. I don't know what makes me more upset, feeling like I had a strong, unbreakable bond with someone only to be discarded easily like so many before me, or being told never to contact her again and let this friendship die a quick death. Either way, it's lose-lose. This is the way you wanted it, so this is the way it will be.

Worry Wart

2009-08-20T13:55:00.004-04:00

I fear death. Plain and simple. I have had to deal with death too much in my lifetime thus far. When I was 7 my father died of lung cancer. Two years after that, his mother, my grandmother died. Two years after that my oldest brother died. In 1994 another brother died. The most recent and biggest blow came in 2003. I lost my mother who was like my best friend. I had a bond with my mother that most people don't have with their mothers. We were tight. So, I've had to deal with a lot of death. I fear death and have a lack of spiritual guidance. I think for these two reasons I've had an increase of anxiety.

I don't know what is beyond this life. I tell people that I believe in reincarnation, which is true, I do. But, that doesn't stop me from fearing death. My own and the death of others worry me on an almost constant basis. I have 2 older cats. When I'm home with them I stare at them as they sleep to make sure they're still breathing. When I've been out and come home, I open the door with my breath held until I see them run towards the door to say hello. I know I'm going to lose them someday and it worries me to no end. I worry about my animals, my girlfriend, my pseudo step daughter, my friends and my remaining family members. I don't know if I worry more or less than most people, all I know is that I worry a lot. I don't know if finding the right place of religious worship will change that or not. I have made a valid attempt to change my way of thinking about life. I've always been a 'the glass is half empty' kind of person. I have improved somewhat, yet this issue lies deep within me torturing me on a daily basis. Why can't I just understand that everything and everyone dies eventually. I should just enjoy the time I have with my friends, family and loved ones instead of concentrating of their looming demise. Easier said than done with me. I hope this feeling passes sooner or later. I hate living like this.

Mean People Suck

2009-06-26T21:23:00.003-04:00

I know that I'm a somewhat negative person at times. I don't like that about myself and I try to change that fact from time to time. I was called out on it again the other night by Cindy (she's usually the one that sees it the most). I think I need to buy a book...I think that might help. Off to Barnes & Noble tomorrow. Even with all of my negativity, I still have morals. I would NEVER make fun of people with disabilities. I was at the mall the other day, about to walk into one of the stores when I observed a middle aged woman standing outside the store I was going into who was dressed aged inappropriate. Her outfit was more fitting for a teen aged girl. She had bright pink socks pulled way up to her knees, but somehow still looking saggy. As I passed her, I looked back as saw that she was mentally challenged. Maybe Downs Syndrome? Maybe not, but that's what it looked like to me. I was just about to turn my head and continue walking when I saw a small group of kids maybe 14-17 years old look at the woman and laughed in her face as they were walking past her. Their laughs grew louder as they passed her and they continued to look back at her even as they were many stores past her. I shook my head but didn't say anything. I walked into the store and saw what I believed to be her parents. A very old couple buying some snacks. I watched them as they left and spoke so gently and kindly to her when they approached her. I was so happy to see that. I am so pissed that people still make fun of handicapped/disabled people these days. WTF! I am not going to dismiss it as kids being kids either. It's poor parenting. My mom raised me right. Made me respect my elders and be kind to the less fortunate. Why is it that parents don't teach their kids morals and values anymore? I'm glad I won't be around in 50 years to see how bad it's going to get.

Mothers Day

2009-05-12T16:50:00.002-04:00

I didn't go to the cemetery this Mothers Day. I have decided that I will not go on holidays or birthdays or death anniversaries any longer. I will go on a random Wednesday. I miss my mom everyday. Every single day, not just the days that are pertinent. Happy Mothers Day mom, I miss and love you very much.

Adventures in da hood

2009-05-05T00:19:00.002-04:00

I had some running around to do today. I needed to put some money in my credit union account, so I drove the long way home because I wanted to stop at the gun shop where I purchased my off duty gun 11 years ago to see how much the dealer would give me for it if I decided to sell it back to him. I stopped at a sandwich shop and had lunch then went towards the area of the gun shop which is located on the 6100 block of Torresdale Avenue. I turned off of Frankford Avenue and went down Tyson Avenue towards Torresdale. All was well on Tyson, but the second I approached Torresdale Avenue at the 7000 block, it was drastically different than Tyson Avenue. I turned onto Torresdale and immediately saw houses in complete stages of disrepair. I saw ghetto type people walking up and down the street. I saw dirty homeless looking people digging through public trashcans on each corner. I was shocked. That neighborhood didn't look like this a few years ago. At each traffic light, I stopped and looked around at the houses and the people and the trash in the streets and the beat up cars parked along the street. I was amazed. I finally arrived at the gun shop and saw that it was now a caged in property that you had to be buzzed into to gain entrance. I also saw 3 young black males with their pants hanging down around their asses, talking very profane to each other as they walked closer to my destination. There was no way I was getting out of my car with a boxed up gun in my hands and having to wait for some guy to buzz me into his business. What a strange feeling. I was so sad to see an area go downhill as quickly as it did. Philadelphia has always had undesirable areas, and you know what area of the city is safer than others...but this was a surprise. This is now an area that has made my "stay out of" list of neighborhoods. Sad...that list seems to be growing larger every year.

Ok, am I on candid camera, part 2!

2009-04-13T12:33:00.003-04:00

I was at the mall on Saturday to check out Boscov's big shoe sale. Not that I'm a shoe girl, cause I'm not, but I'm always on the hunt for a nice pair of non leather shoes. It's very difficult to find a pair of vegan shoes...well, Boscov's was an absolute madhouse. Which, I sort of expected since they were having a 'buy a pair at regular cost, and get one for a dollar' sale. I skimmed through the shoe department and left empty handed. I needed to get a charger for my phone, so I headed to the AT&T store and got that out of the way. Then, heading to the up escalator, I saw a nice watch at the little watch kiosk. There were 2 salespeople working. A young Indian girl and an older white woman. The Indian girl yells over to me "oh, hi..how are you..I remember you". I'm thinking..how do I know her? I must have had a watch battery changed here, and she did it for me. So, I said hello and smiled. The white lady came over to me to show me the watch. She asked if the watch would be for me, or as a gift for someone. I said it would be for me. She said, 'oh, not shopping for anyone today'? I said no, just me. She somehow (I can't remember) asked me if I had a 'partner or a significant other'. Not that she's a great detective or anything, you can sort of tell I'm gay simply by looking at me, lol...but I said, 'yes, but my partner doesn't need a watch right now'. Cindy has a Movado that she's happy with. Well, her inquiry on my 'status' opened the flood gates! She completely just opened her mouth and began to verbal vomit! In about 20 minutes that I was standing there (feeling trapped by her conversation) she tells me that she was dumped by her boyfriend after they made love and had dinner on her birthday, and she's tired of being a dumbass and taking him back when he does this..she kept asking me, 'what's wrong with me...why am I so weak and fall for his crap'? She asked me everything from what I thought she should do, to what I thought was a good way to start her life over and find Mr. or Mrs. right. Yes, she said that she may cross the lines and join 'my team'. I told her I thought that that was a terrible idea, that you don't 'turn gay' just because you haven't found success in a heterosexual relationship. Then she apologized for a few minutes because she thought she offended me. I laughed and told her she didn't, but people say things like that all the time, like you can just make yourself fall in love with someone of the same sex because you've gotten screwed over by the opposite sex. It doesn't work that way. Long story short, I listened to her go on and on for like 20 minutes. I offered some advice and made some comments. The woman had some serious issues and I felt sorry for her. She insisted that she give me a hug from around the counter, and she did and snuck a kiss on the cheek too. I was a bit taken back. I like my personal space, and get weird if people violate that (it's the cop in me). I seriously felt like I was on candid camera or something. I never had anyone that I didn't know throw their problems on me like that. I mean, very personal things were spilled out. SIGH. I guess now I know BOTH of the girl that work at the little kiosk now...lol. I scared to go to the mall now :)

Ewww, the buggies are back

2009-04-09T17:41:00.002-04:00

So, I noticed a little spider in my apartment last night. I didn't bother him. I heard somewhere that spiders actually help in reducing the number of other types of bugs you may get by eating them. OK, thanks Mr. Spider. Well, I was tossing and turning in my sleep at about 3am or so this morning, and for some odd reason, I looked up and saw a daddy long leg in the corner of my ceiling. I hate those things..they give me the creeps. I quickly got my broom, and quashed that sucker and killed it. So that was that. Until this morning that is. I see a bigger spider walking on my wall in my bedroom. This one was bigger than the one I saw yesterday, so I had to do him in. He met his demise with the bottom of a pair of Puma's. When I first took this apartment, it was late October, and the weather was pretty mild, so I saw a lot of spiders and daddy long legs running around. I'm afraid now that with the nicer weather coming around, comes the bugs. Roaches are never a problem (thank God), just yucky spiders and such. My apartment has no steps, you just walk right in on ground level...so, I think that adds to the problem. Of well, if that the worst thing that happens, I think I'll be OK :)

FAT is coming back

2009-04-01T00:36:00.002-04:00

No, I don't mean it's coming back in style to be....well, let's say portly. I mean MY fat is coming back. I am gaining weight :( I'm not surprised by this. I have been eating more than usual lately, and eating crappy food on top of it. I have been inactive since my back injury in Dec 2006. I've been pretty successful in keeping my weight in check considering this little tidbit. But, alas....I have gained a few pounds. I'm unable to exercise, so I have to start a diet and decrease the amount of food that I eat with portion control. That's the only way that I can help myself. Ugh! I'm getting this damn tire roll around my middle. I've been heavier in my life, but I never had this damn tire before. Grrrrr. Well, talk is cheap...I have to get started, and soon. Has anybody seen any extra willpower laying around? Ha!

The Up side of a recession

2009-03-27T16:04:00.003-04:00

For a few years now one of my major gripes has been how people never say please, thank you or you're welcome anymore. This is true in retail establishments by the customer service people. I shop in your store, give you my money for the items that I buy and I'm supposed to be OK with the fact that you don't say 'thank you', or 'have a nice day' or ANYTHING? What ever happened to pleasantries? As most people in the country, I've gotten used to some people just being ignorant (not that I like it). I am pleasantly surprised when someone says 'thanks' when you hold the door open for them. Come on people, it's an easy thing to do....sound it out...th...th....than...thanks...there ya go, I knew you could do it :)

Well, a wonderful thing is rising up from the ashes of this ridiculous recession the Bush Administration has put us in...Customer Service is coming back!! Woooohooooo! I was shopping in the mall recently and it seem that in each store I went into, the cashiers have said 'thank you' after each transaction. I've even gotten a few smiles during and after the transactions. I've worked retail before and was never trained to be pleasant with people. I just was. I always said thank you and smiled when dealing with customers. It's just what we did back in the day. I'm not asking this new breed of Salespeople to kiss ass. Not at all. Because we all know that there are miserable people out there shopping who think that they can talk to you any way they'd like because they're giving your company money. Well, that's clearly bullshit. But, when you come across a customer that is friendly and pleasant, I think you should return the favor.

What to do...what to do?

2009-03-26T12:47:00.009-04:00

Well, as most people know, I have dedicated myself to living a cruel free lifestyle. I have stopped using products by companies that conduct animal testing. I have also stopped wearing or using anything that is made with leather. No clothes, wallets, furniture etc. I guess I've been doing this for about a year or so now. I feel good about it and have really been holding my ground with it, there have been no exceptions.

Ok, so far the search for cruel free products has been pretty easy. You can get a lot of this stuff at Whole Foods or Wegmans. You can even buy the store brand products at cruelty free Supermarkets like Pathmark, Food Lion & Safeway. That's where I get stuff like baking powder for my cat box, trash bags, storage bag and such. As long as you buy their store brand, they're fine. Like I said, I have had no problems...except one. Deodorant. Sigh. I have tried every single stick of deodorant at Whole Foods and I have come up short. They either don't last an entire day (stinky by 9pm) or they burn the hell out of my armpits (which is weird since they claim to be all natural). I have had no luck. I even tried Mitchem which is made by Revlon (cruelty free company). Nope! Burned the hell out of me and left dark circles under my arms. Recently I used Cindy's deodorant in a pinch and it had zero effect on my arms as far as burning. In fact it sort of felt like a soothing effect. And, it worked all day long..no stinky times. The problem is, is that it's Degree which is made by Unilever...a no-no company. So, I went out and searched high and low for ANYTHING that might help. I can't use Degree..it goes against everything I'm trying to stand up for. I went on NAVS.org and checked every known deodorant and I found out that Ban is made by Kao, Inc and according to Navs, they are a questionable company. It wasn't a definite yes, and it wasn't a definite no. So, last night I bought Ban and I'm going to try it out. I can use Ban with a semi clean conscience. Why is it that they can't make a damn deodorant that works just as well as the name brands and not singe your poor armpits...and that they don't test on animals? Jeez. You wouldn't believe the anxiety I went through over this. Whew.

Playing God

2009-03-15T21:38:00.004-04:00

One of my best friends has a dog that was diagnosed with lymphoma in September 2007. She spent a ton of money on Chemotherapy on him, cooked special food for him and gave him nothing but love over the next 18 months. He was doing great! You would look at Tyler and never know there was anything wrong with him. He kept his weight up and ran around like a puppy. A few weeks ago I asked Evelyn how he was doing. She said that he was not doing as good as he was when I had asked a few weeks prior to that. I called her this past Tuesday and she said he wasn't doing good at all and that he hadn't eaten since Sunday. He was also sluggish and starting to lose control of his bladder function. By Thursday she called me and told me that she had made an appointment at the holistic vet to have the inevitable done. She's one of my 2 best friends. I knew how she felt about him and knew that there was no way she would ever do this if there was any hope for him. I went with her to the vet. I asked her if she wanted me to be in the room when they gave him the needle. She said yes. I swore I'd be somewhat strong. Ty had to walk in with assistance from Ev. When he got into the room, he immediately laid down and began to breathe heavy. She talked to him for awhile and then the nurse came in. The first needle they gave him was a sedative and was supposed to calm him down. All it really did was make his breathing very rapid and forced. They let the medication take effect for about 10-15 minutes and then the vet and assistant came in. She asked Ev if she was ready and she said yes and she held Ty's head as the needle was given to him via an IV. It was only about 7 seconds before his breathing stopped. That's when it got really bad. Evelyn immediately started sobbing and asked if he was really gone for good. I began to sob quietly.

I am crying as I type this because that experience affected me MUCH more than I expected it to. I fully expected to be upset and probably cry, but the way I still feel today, 3 days later is unexpected. I can't help to wonder if she make the right decision? Even though, I told her numerous times she did. In my heart I KNOW she did. But, it seems to me that we're playing God. We decided that it was Ty's time to go. Why don't we do that with humans? Why do we let our loved ones go on suffering until God decides to take them?

As Evelyn held Ty's head and cried, I stared at them. His lifeless eyes are still haunting me. The way she refused to let him go is still haunting me. The fact that he was alive one minute and dead the next minute is still haunting me. The wonder of what happens to animals after death is still haunting me. I am profoundly upset about this whole situation. I know I'll feel better in time. But for now, I think I am going to torture myself with the questions I have no answer for. I hate certain aspects of life. I hate this shit. I hate loving...whether it be people, or the pets that we call our family members. I hate loss. I hope Ty is up there. And, I hope he knows that his mommy loved him and did what she thought was best for him.

RIP Tyler 7/11/03~3/12/09

Death sucks

2009-02-25T19:47:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can't believe I haven't blogged the entire month of February. I used to blog everyday. I guess my priorities have changed. Well, maybe it's more accurate to say that I have discovered how much fun Facebook can be. I think most of my free time has been spent there. Especially since I have 2 accounts. One for my friends, and one for my cop peeps.

I went to Ted's funeral today. I was not feeling well at all yesterday so I didn't go to the viewing last night. They had a short viewing this morning, so I paid my respects. I barely knew Ted, but I know Chris and have come to know her family in recent months as well. They are good people. I hate to see anyone I care about in pain. I know I don't know Chris' mom Grace that well, but I just wanted to walk up to her and hold her hand as she cried. I will never understand death. You live your life loving friends and family and as you get older, you have to watch them die one by one. Or, they watch you. I know that some say there is an afterlife and that you never really die, you just go home to God. I am almost 40 and still don't know whether I believe that or not. My mother believed that, so I hope for her sake it's true. I hope Ted's up there with the rest of them having fun. I'm sure Helen is playing bingo :)

6 Years

2009-01-30T00:20:00.004-05:00

It never gets easier. Today is the 6th anniversary of the death of my mom. I will never forget the time, place and feeling when I got that fateful phone call from my sister. It was the worst day of my life. No day will ever be worse. My mother was my best friend and I dreaded the day that I would lose her. I never thought that I would survive that day. Most of what happened after 5:20pm is a blur. I was unlucky enough to get to the house before the funeral home personnel came to get her. Seeing her in that state was heart wrenching. As a police officer, I've dealt with many, many 5292's (our code for dead bodies). I was always very professional and sympathetic to people in their time of despair. When I saw my mother lying there, it was quite different. You believe that if you cry enough, hold her hand long enough and pray long enough, she'll open her eyes and everything will just be OK. She'll open her eyes and you all can go on with your life and be happy again. Dealing with the death of my mother was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I am very lucky to have a great circle of friends that helped me through it. A wonderful new girlfriend who has never met her, but knew how much my mother meant to me was right there to comfort me and hold my hand. It seemed like the entire police department came to her memorial at the funeral home. It was very touching. I was amazed at the steady flow of police officers from my district giving my siblings their condolences.

I don't know if it's normal or not, but there literally isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my mom. I do surveys on Myspace all the time and one of the questions that they usually ask is: What would you do with a dead loved one if you had them back for a day. My answer is always the same: I wouldn't want my mom back for a day. I would then have to go through the pain of losing her again at the end of that day. Having to do it the first time left me with a big hole in my heart and I could never bear to feel that kind of pain again. I don't know what happens after life is over on this shithole planet. I'd like to believe in heaven and that she and my dad and brother are all up there waiting for me.

January 29th is always a horrible day, but to make matters worse today, my brother and I got into a huge fight (again). I'd like to blame it on the fact that we're both very emotional because of the anniversary, but the truth of the matter is, is that he's a jerkoff and I like him less and less as the weeks go on. SIGH. I wish I could just delete January 29th from my calendar.

7 Pounds

2009-01-13T23:21:00.002-05:00

I saw 7 Pounds tonight. I am officially 3 for 3 with movies that have made me cry. I don't want to give away the movie in case you want to go see it. All I will say is, is that it was very confusing and slow moving when it started and I started thinking, jeez I hope this gets better. well, it did..and by the time things made sense, I was hoping that the things that were happening wouldn't end up like I thought they would. Don't get me wrong, I say that for good and bad reasons. You'll understand if/when you go see it. Which, by the way, I would recommend.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T13:29:00.001-05:00

I'd like to wish all of my friends a very happy, healthy and safe 2009.

Marley & Me

2008-12-25T20:08:00.003-05:00

I started reading Marley & Me a few weeks ago and as usual, I put it down and haven't picked it back up yet. I get that way if the book doesn't capture my attention within the first chapter or two.

Well, it's Christmas day and Cindy's parents are here. We had a delicious dinner and decided to go see a movie which is fast becoming a holiday tradition. We all decided to go see Marley & Me. It's a safe bet. I want to see so many other movies but Marley & Me is neutral. I'm not sure Cindy's parents would want to see half the movies I want to see. I think the storyline between the 2 human characters of Marley & Me was ok, but the story of them and the relationship they have with the dog was more interesting. I liked the interaction between them and the dog. He really was a BAD dog...lol. Overall, I'd give the movie a "B". You will NOT leave the theater without crying with this one. It's very sad at the end, which I'm sure you can guess why. Marley was a good BAD dog and when his time with his family came to an end, it was the beginning of another sob-fest for me. I think I cried as badly as I did is because I have 2 older cats. I dread the day I may have to make that difficult decision. Watching Owen Wilson's character make that decision tore me up. It was really touching. It's hard to let go of a furry family member. Enjoy the time you have with them. Lilli and Baby got big hugs from Cindy and I when we got back to her house. Good movie...go see it...with a few tissues :)

Happy Holidays

2008-12-24T16:21:00.003-05:00

I want to wish all of my friends a wonderful holiday. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or no religious form of the holidays, may it be a beautiful time for you and your families. Mele kalikimaka :)

Poor Caylee

2008-12-22T00:22:00.002-05:00

The remains found just 15 houses away from Cindy and George Anthony's home were confirmed to be that of Caylee Anthony. Everyone knows I am not a big fan of children, but my heart sank when I heard what we all already knew. Rest in peace little one.

Harvey Milk

2008-12-21T19:21:00.005-05:00

I just went to see the movie "Milk" starring Sean Penn as Harvey Milk. I was looking forward to seeing this and a few other movies that look pretty good. If you don't know who Harvey Milk is, I suggest you Google him and find out....especially if you happen to be gay. I was profoundly moved by this movie. I cried like a baby at the end of it. It's a true story, so we all know how it ends. But what you may not know is what great strides in Gay Rights Harvey Milk was responsible for. You MUST go see this movie. If/when you do, you will immediately go to the Human Rights Campaign website and join if you're not already a member.

I have VERY strong opinions about gay rights. This movie kicked started something within me. I have to get more involved. I can no longer just sit back and donate money to this cause. I must donate money and DO something to make a difference.

Have they found Caylee?

2008-12-11T17:33:00.005-05:00

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It was learned today that officials in Orlando, Florida have found the skeletal remains of a toddler close to the home of George & Cindy Anthony. I'm currently watching Headline News to get updated with the breaking news. This case has peaked my interest since it first started. Nancy Grace has devoted almost every single show to the search and recovery of this little girl since she 'went missing' in mid June. Some may say that Nancy Grace is an asshole who is extremely biased. I think Nancy Grace and I share one thing in common. We're realists. As days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, it was more and more unlikely that police officials would find this little girl alive. If you have been watching the news coverage on this case, there has never been a doubt in your mind that the toddler's mother, Casey Anthony was the killer. She has a mountain of circumstantial evidence that points directly to her. Her behavior before and after the child went missing, the comments that she's made and the scores of lies the police have caught her in says it all. Casey Anthony is a killer. And what makes it 100 times worse, is that it's her own flesh and blood that she killed.

I cannot begin to know what Casey's parents Cindy and George Anthony are going through. I can only imagine how incredibly painful it is to come to the realization that your daughter murdered her child. The denials that their daughter had anything to do with Caylee's disappearance have been coming since the beginning. What do they think behind closed doors? Who knows for sure. If I were in their position, I would never have gotten caught up in the media blitz. I never would have made a statement to begin with. Once they did, they recanted almost everything they said from the beginning and now they just look stupid.

We'll find out for sure in a day or two if it's the actual remain of Caylee Anthony. Casey Anthony should fry for what she did. I hope the courts see it the same way I do.

A sure bet!

2008-12-08T12:33:00.002-05:00

I like to watch Football on Sundays. I watch the 1pm, 4pm and 8:15pm games. Well, as I see it, if you're a betting person, you could make a lot of money if you watch football with me. Yesterday, I was 0-3. I watched the Eagles game and hoped that the Giants would kick their butt. Nope, the Eagles pulled out a win. The 4pm game was the Steelers VS the Cowboys. I don't like Ben Rothlesberger, so I was hoping for a Cowboy's win. Nope. Then the Sunday night football game was the Redskins VS the Ravens. Despite the fact that he's a great player, I don't like Ray Lewis of the Ravens because I believe he got away with murder a few years ago. So, I was hoping his team lost...and once again, I was wrong. So, if you want to make some extra $$ just bet on all the teams that I bet against and you'll be in the money :)

Maybe her true Salvation is behind bars

2008-12-04T19:02:00.003-05:00

So Cindy and I needed to go to the Super Walmart yesterday to fill her prescription at the pharmacy (not that we need a reason to go there...we're there almost every day now). We decided that we would eat at the Subway that's inside the store while we waited for the prescription to be filled. I'm already sitting at the table and started eating while Cindy was still paying for her food. As I'm sitting there, I can see the lady in the next table over was on the phone. As she began to talk, I realized she's one of those loud cell phone talkers (kinda like me). Not that I was trying to listen to her conversation, but I could hear what she was saying. She started the conversation by saying something about a warrant. After I heard that, I sorta listened closer. Then she said 'I'll call them and find out' and hung up. Cindy comes to the table and we continue to eat our lunch as the woman gets on her cell phone again and this time the conversation REALLY peaks my interest. It went alittle something like this:

Hi my name is______ and I just found out that police were just at my house looking for me...
Um yeah, that's me, and this is my case number______
No, I shouldn't have a warrant for child support.....
So, I don't have a warrant for child support, but I do have a warrant for something else?
No, I shouldn't...I can't imagine what it's for
Well, I'm at work right now...
I'm at the new Walmart in Deptford....
I don't know the address...it's a new store...
Yes, in deptford
Actually, I'm the Salvation Army bell ringer...
Ok, I'll be outside ringing the bell...

So, she hangs up and starts eating her sandwich and makes another call and she says:

Yeah hun, I called them and they said I have a warrant...
I think they're going to come and I'm going to get arrested today.

Cindy and I are looking at each other. I'm trying my best not to crack the hell up. I tried..but I did laugh. Like, hello lady..keep that little conversation to yourself. Well, the best part about it all, is that when we were finished shopping about 45 minutes later and left the store, there was a heavy set guy ringing the bell for the Salvation Army. I guess we either missed all the action outside, or she fled the area. Ho Ho Ho.

Black Friday...a new low for humans

2008-11-30T20:59:00.004-05:00

I am a news junkie. I listen to KYW 1060 while in the car, watch Fox29 for my local news and frequently watch MSNBC to keep up with politics and current world news. What I hear and see on the news never ceases to amaze me. I was listening to 1060 in my car yesterday when I heard about a Wal-Mart employee in Long Island who was trampled to death when he opened the doors to allow the sale crazed consumers inside to start their Xmas shopping on 'Black Friday' morning. Below are the details of that death and some other news from around the country.....what the hell is wrong with people??? What does Xmas mean to you?

Wal-Mart worker trampled to death by frenzied Black Friday shoppers

By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM

The New York Times

In a sign of consumer desperation amid a bleak economy, the annual rite of retailing known as Black Friday turned chaotic and deadly, as shoppers scrambled for holiday bargains.

A Wal-Mart worker on Long Island, N.Y., died after being trampled by customers who broke through the doors early Friday, and other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man. At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals.

Fights and injuries occurred elsewhere at other stores operated by Wal-Mart, the nation's leading discount chain, which is one of the few retailers thriving in the current economy.

Meanwhile, two men at a crowded Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, Calif., pulled guns and shot each other to death after women with them brawled, witnesses said. The company released a statement late Friday saying the deaths were related to a personal dispute and not Black Friday shopping.

Many other retailers appeared to have fewer customers than usual the day after Thanksgiving, typically one of the busiest shopping days of the year. Merchants call it Black Friday because in the past, it was when many retailers went into the black, or turned profitable, for the year.

It was mainly only discount chains that were bustling long before sunrise. People showed up for a small number of limited-time "door-buster" deals, such as 32-inch flat-screen televisions for $388 and Intel laptops for $499. In many cases, after an initial onslaught, crowds dwindled after the few sought-after items had sold out.

While tussles and even broken bones are common when the doors open on Black Friday, this is apparently the first time someone was killed in the stampede. For some consumer psychologists, the mad scramble was a sign of the times.

"I think it ties into a sort of fear and panic of not having enough," said Joe Priester, a professor at the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California and a former president of the Society for Consumer Psychology. A herd mentality, he said, can lead individuals to feel anonymous, so much so that they are capable of trampling someone. "Fear combined with the group mentality?" he said. "It doesn't surprise me at all."

Actions "irrational"

Walter Loeb, president of Loeb Associates, a retail consultancy, said there was shopping mania at Wal-Mart every year. But this year, he said, it seems "people are becoming irrational in their actions."

That seemed the case early Friday at the Green Acres Mall in Valley Stream, on Long Island, where the Nassau County police had to be called in for crowd control about 3 a.m., and an officer with a bullhorn pleaded for order.

Tension grew as the 5 a.m. opening neared. By 4:55, with no police officers in sight, the crowd of more than 2,000 had become a rabble, and could be held back no longer. Fists banged and shoulders pressed on the sliding-glass double doors, which bowed in with the weight of the assault.

Witnesses and the police said the doors shattered, and the shrieking mob surged through in a rush for holiday bargains. One worker, Jdimytai Damour, 34, of Queens, was thrown back onto the black linoleum tiles and trampled in the stampede that streamed over and around him.

Some workers fought their way through the surge to get to Damour, but he had been fatally injured, police said. Damour, a temporary worker hired for the holiday season, was pronounced dead an hour later at Franklin Hospital Medical Center in Valley Stream.

Four other people, including a 28-year-old woman described as eight months pregnant, were treated at the hospital for minor injuries.

Detective Lt. Michael Fleming, who is in charge of the investigation for the Nassau County police, called the scene "utter chaos" and said the "crowd was out of control." As for those who had run over the victim, criminal charges were possible, the lieutenant said. "I've heard other people call this an accident, but it is not," he said. "Certainly it was a foreseeable act."

But even with videos from the store's surveillance cameras and the accounts of witnesses, Fleming and other officials acknowledged that it would be difficult to identify those responsible, let alone to prove culpability.

Some shoppers who had seen the stampede said they were shocked. One, Kimberly Cribbs of Queens, said the crowd had acted like "savages." Shoppers' behavior was bad even as the store was being cleared, she recalled.

"When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, 'I've been on line since yesterday morning,' " Cribbs said. "They kept shopping."

Outbreaks weren't restricted to New York. At a Wal-Mart in Columbus, Ohio, Nikki Nicely, 19, jumped onto a man's back and pounded his shoulders when he tried to take a 40-inch Samsung flat-screen TV to which she had laid claim. "That's my TV!" Nicely, 19, shouted. "That's my TV!"

Other outbreaks

A police officer and security guard intervened, but not before Nicely took an elbow in the face. In the end, she was the one with the $798 television, marked down from $1,000. "That's right," she cried as her adversary walked away. "This here is my TV!"

Charisma Booker, also on the hunt for a TV, said she had been shopping at Wal-Mart every Black Friday for nearly a decade. "There are fewer people here this year, but they're more aggressive," she said. "I've never seen anybody fight like this. This is crazy."

At a Wal-Mart in Niles, Ill., a mother fought back tears when she discovered someone had taken her cart filled with toys.

Many retailers opened earlier this year and offered the biggest discounts in their history.

Certainly Wal-Mart was not the only retailer with aggressive Black Friday shoppers. But before Best Buy opened at 5 a.m., shoppers lined up to receive tickets for merchandise they intended to buy, reducing the need to elbow one another to pick up electronic devices.

Chuck O'Donnell, district-services manager for Best Buy stores in New Jersey, said the lines "went all the way around the building, just like in years past."

Critics of Wal-Mart said the retailer had been negligent about security.

"They have problems with crowds every year, and inevitability, people get hurt," said David Nassar of Wal-Mart Watch, a union-financed group. "They should expect to plan properly for this kind of a problem and have adequate security in place, and they don't."

Wal-Mart officials said the safety of customers and workers was their "top priority" and the company's "thoughts and prayers go out to the families of those impacted."

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T21:16:00.003-05:00

Happy thanksgiving to all of my friends :) I have quite a bit to be thankful for this year. I hope everyone can say the same. May today and the remainder of the year be a happy and healthy one for you and your families.

McNabb, have a seat

2008-11-24T01:58:00.002-05:00

So, I'm watching the Eagles game today and it, as usual, was not going very well for the Eagles. They played the Baltimore Ravens. I root for any team that plays against the Eagles because I believe McNabb to be an asshole for comments that he made last season. So I'm watching the game, hoping that the Ravens beat their ass, when all of a sudden, coach Andy Reid benches Donovan McNabb! Coach Reid had it out with the players last week after another miserable loss. He said that no body's job was safe, and from what he did today, he was serious. Reid is McNabb's biggest fan, so he means business. McNabb preformed poorly in the first half. He put back up quarter back Kevin Kolb in to finish the game. He also had a bad game, making poor decisions. But, the one thing that pissed me off completely was when Kolb threw an interception, the camera panned over to McNabb on the sidelines, who was cheering and clapping. What kind of royalty is that to your team???!!! It's time for the Eagles to make a move and unload McNabb on someone else while he's still worth something. He needs a fresh start with a non discriminating city (I say that sarcastically). He might thrive with a new team in a new city. The Eagles will gain at least one fan back by doing that...me! Adios Crybaby!

Welcome to the world baby girl

2008-11-20T18:34:00.005-05:00

Just finished reading Fannie Flagg's 'Welcome to the world baby girl'. I have to say that I'm a big fan of Fannie Flagg. Her books always get me from the start and capture my imagination. But for some reason I had trouble getting through this book. I don't know if it's the crap that has been happening in my personal life, or just the story itself...maybe both? It took me a couple of months to finish it, but I did last night. I would give the story about a 7 out of 10. Next on my list is 'Marley & Me, life and love with the world's worst dog'. I'm almost positive they're making a movie out of this one. I want to finish the book before the movie comes out....I'll let ya know what I think :)

Sgt. Timothy Simpson

2008-11-18T13:35:00.005-05:00

After hearing of Sgt. Stephen Liczbinski's violent Murder by thugs back in May of this year, I took the news especially hard because he was an officer assigned to my own house (my district). What a complete tragedy. Then a few months later, the news broke that a narcotics unit officer was killed during a violent crash involving a drunk 16 year old that rammed her cruiser at approx 90 miles an hour while fleeing from police after car jacking someone of their full size SUV. That was P/O Isabel Nazario. Then, just a week or two later, there was the horrible news that P/O Patrick McDonald was murdered by a thug that should never have been let out of prison. This Piece of shit stood over P/O McDonald and shot him until he ran out of bullets. He had even shot him in the face so we were unable to have an open casket at the funeral. Now, 2 months after that savage attack, I received a text message from my girl Evelyn last night that said that another Sgt. was killed in a police accident. In 2008 alone 4 police officers were killed in the line of duty in the city of Philadelphia. Overall, in 2 years, 6 officer have been taken from us. I'm pretty numb right now and can't find the words to describe how I feel. Below are the details of Sgt. Timothy Simpson's death. To make matters even worse....Sgt. Simpson worked and was killed in my home district, the fighting 24th. RIP Sarge. When will this end?

A Philadelphia police officer is dead and a man faces vehicular homicide charges after their cars collided at a Port Richmond intersection on Monday night.

Images: Officers Who Died In The Line Of Duty | Images From Crash Scene
Video: Officials Announce Sergeant's Death | Philadelphia Police Sergeant Dies In Crash | First On Fox: Police Commissioner Talks About Sgt. Simpson
Link: Leave A Tribute To Fallen Sergeant

Sgt Timothy Simpson was killed at the intersection of Aramingo and Allegheny Avenue when his cruiser was struck by a vehicle being driven by William Foster of Ginger Bush Rd in Levittown, Pa.

Simpson was responding to a robbery in progress call in the 3100 block of Aramingo Ave. Foster and another man were in a black Camaro being pursued by a different set of police vehicles who observed Foster driving erratically.

Philadelphia police on Tuesday said Foster, 41, has a long police record, with over 20 arrests dating back from 1986. Many of the arrest are drug-related violations, they said.

Foster will face charges including homicide by vehicle and third-degree murder.

Police said Foster told them that he had come to Philadelphia to buy heroin. He also admitted to police that he was trying to elude police before the accident; and that he always tries to elude police when they try to arrest him, and that this was not his first time eluding them.

There was also an unidentified passenger in Foster's car who is not being charged at this time. He is also from Levittown; has several prior arrests; and is in the hospital at this time with a broken hip.

Simpson, 46, was pronounced dead at 11:05 p.m. at Temple University Hospital.

Simpson is now the sixth police officer in 2 1/2 years to be killed in the line of duty -- and the fifth officer in just over a year.

The 46-year-old sergeant from the 24th District was a 20-year department veteran, husband and father of three who also has a brother on the force.

Another Tragedy Strikes Department

Simpson is now the sixth police officer in 2 1/2 years to be killed in the line of duty -- and the fifth officer in just over a year.

The 24th was the same police district that suffered the loss of Sgt. Steven Liczbinski back in May, when he was gunned down responding to a bank robbery.

Nutter said Simpson was "a good officer, trying to do his duty."

"This department has had a significant amount of tragedy this year, last year and the year before," Nutter said. "We are deeply hurt and deeply saddened. Officers are feeling a significant amount of pain, as are the rest of us in public service and, I'm sure, the citizens tonight."

Ramsey followed, saying, "I mean, I don't know what to say. This is surreal -- this many to die in such a short period of time."

He noted that a mural was unveiled earlier Monday to honor officers who had given their lives.

"It's tragic. So, our hearts are out to the family right now, the men and women of the 24th District who have to endure another loss, and we'll be there for them," Ramsey said.

Timeline Of Recent Line-Of-Duty Deaths

Officer Gary Skerski was the first officer slain in the line of duty in Philadelphia in a decade when he was shot in May 2006 responding to a robbery at a bar.

On Oct. 31, 2007, Officer Chuck Cassidy was shot in the head as he walked in on a doughnut shop robbery; he died the next day.

After Liczbinski became the department's first loss of 2008, Officer Isabel Nazario was killed during a Sept. 5 pursuit, when a suspect's SUV slammed into her patrol car.

Just two weeks later, highway patrol Sgt. Patrick McDonald was shot and killed while chasing a suspect wanted for assaulting police officers.

Michael Vick

2008-11-15T20:46:00.003-05:00

So, Yahoo reports that Michael Vick is making about 12 cents an hour in Kansas State Prison. He is up for parole on July 20th 2009. After losing his 2 yachts, a few of his homes and a couple of Range Rovers, he's supposedly down to a mere 16 million in assets which are now somehow missing....the state of Georgia apparently had to hire a forensic accountant to find where he has the rest of his money hidden. He owes creditors over 20 million. He owes the Atlanta Falcons Organization a few million. His $60,000 race horse died of Colic since his imprisonment. He's had to pay $928,000 for the care of the dogs that survived his torturous games. In 2006 his salary alone was 15 million which doesn't include endorsements. Now, each month he makes about $13.00. Yes, that's thirteen dollars...not 13 million dollars. Poor dear. He has big plans to get picked up by an NFL team and start fresh. Why not, right? He served his time...he paid his debt to society, right? He won't name the team that he's supposedly in talks with. Which is a great idea for now, because it spares that team LOTS of grief for now if it's even true. If someone does actually decide to pick him up...God help them. That would be a mistake of astronomical proportions. Do you know anyone that would wear a 'Michael Vick' Jersey? Maybe some dumb ass black people that think ANYONE who's black that is sent to jail is just being discriminated against, no matter what the crime. But, anyone with any sense? I don't think so. I wouldn't even buy one to burn it, because I wouldn't want any team that would employ this maniac to have my $$.

Karma wins in the end. I don't think Michael Vick will make a triumphant return to any football field. I think he will continue to be in financial ruin and it couldn't happen to a better person. You're a disgrace and you got what you deserved. Although, something tells me that he's not exactly doing 'hard time' while between the prison walls. I'm sure he's still regarded as an NFL superstar to the scum that share his new home. Oh well. That will change when you come back into the real world Jerk off.

Have the 50's ever ended?

2008-11-15T15:42:00.003-05:00

Ok, sorry but I have to be negative again. You know that about 1/2 my posts are. Well, this may or may not be negative depending on how you look at it I guess. So, I'm watching TV a lot lately as you all know. I'm starting to take notice to 99.9% of the cleaning product commercials involve a woman cleaning whatever it is that the product is selling. Pledge wood cleaner has a woman trapped in a box for 30 days to show that dust can get inside even the toughest places....dish detergent and laundry detergent has a woman cleaning the dishes and doing the laundry. The vacuum commercials that are out there all have....you guessed it, a woman doing the rugs. Is it just me, or does about every commercial out there show a woman doing all this cleaning? OK, in fairness, it's usually a guy washing and waxing the car. Ha! Big whoops. Oh, and don't get me started about the commercials with the family waiting at the kitchen table for mom to bring them their dinner. Ahem....this is not 1950 where the guy is the only bread winner in the family. Most women are out there working along side men everyday, but yet when they get home, their work continues by being the only one that seems to clean ANYTHING in the damn house. I think I'm having a Gloria Steinem moment...but screw that. I want to see more guys doing some sort of cleaning in TV commercials. It's a 50/50 world these days kids. Do your fair share.

Veterans Day

2008-11-11T17:09:00.004-05:00

Whether you agree with this or any other war the United States has been involved in, you should never blame, fault or disrespect the men and women that served their country. God bless the brave people of United States Military...and a special thanks to my father John Pablo Korpuze who proudly served in the Korean War from 1950-1953. RIP dad.

Are you kidding me???

2008-11-08T21:34:00.004-05:00

I went for my MRI at HUP yesterday. While in the women's waiting room in my little nightgown, the show 'The View' came on the TV that myself and 3 other people were watching. The tech came in and called one of the the women in the back for her tests. So, it was just me and 2 older black ladies left in the room. The View ladies were talking about Obama and how good it was that the country will see some changes. Then a few minutes later, the subject shifted to California's Proposition 8 which would once again ban same sex marriage after making it legal. First off, I didn't know that the people could vote on a law that congress passed and then retract it, but apparently, they can...and they did. So, once again, it's illegal for gays to be married and have the same rights as everyone else in CA. Well, during the commercial break, these 2 older black women were talking negatively about the subject. They made their feelings quite clear to anyone within earshot they they did not agree with giving same sex couples the same rights as everyone else. And, in addition to that, the proceeded to make very derogatory comments about gay parents and their children. They were getting me so pissed off. I just sat there like a good girl and didn't say a word. I choose my battles these days...Lynn of the past would have said something nasty to them. I found it amazing that these black women who's ancestors have been victims of discrimination and have had to fight for the same rights that white people had were now discriminating against a group of people. You and your people KNOW what it's like to be denied...why do you now deny others? Did you or your family members like it when you had no voice..no rights? I don't like it either. It's bullshit, and so is that way of thinking. You should be ashamed of yourself. It really shouldn't come as much of a surprise to me though...I've been a victim of discrimination many times by blacks. I grew up and went to school in Philadelphia. You couldn't have done that without some form of hate being thrown your way.

I was watching MSNBC last night and they said that 75% of black voters voted yes to proposition 8 on Tuesday night. In fairness, blacks made up only 10% of the votes in California, but still...75%. That's a damnnnnn shame. Being discriminated against by former victims of discrimination. Isn't that a kick in the ass?

Mr. President

2008-11-05T01:56:00.002-05:00

Barack Obama is the 44th president of the United States of America. He promised change. I want him to live up to his promises. There are reasons that I chose Hillary Clinton over Obama from the start and would have loved to have seen her become our new president, but it was not meant to be. Obama was our Democratic choice and I voted for him. I want to believe that he'll do what he has promised. He is a great speaker..now it's time to put up. I wish him luck...he has my support. Congrats Mr. President :)

Rock the Vote!

2008-11-03T22:13:00.002-05:00

It's vitally important for people to get out and vote tomorrow. Minority group of the past like women, blacks and others fought hard so we would all have the opportunity to cast our vote. Why wouldn't you want to? Get out and make a difference in this historical election. Our first racially mixed president? Our first woman vice president? Whatever your party, it's going to make history one way or the other. This is an exciting time...if you don't go out and vote, don't dare bitch and moan about the way things turn out. No vote=no voice.

A sad sight tonight

2008-10-31T22:53:00.002-04:00

I was on my way to get something to eat. I stopped at McDonalds, went through the drive thru and was carefully driving back to Cindy's house because it's Halloween evening and the little kids are everywhere. The cars in front of me slowed..almost stopped, and I assumed it was because of the kids. Well, as we started moving again, I glanced over toward the curb and I saw what I thought was a plastic bag blowing in the breeze. In a split second, I realized that it was a cat twitching violently, flopping up and down. I've seen this before, years ago. The poor cat was just hit but a car and it's body was seizuring. I immediately looked away. It's amazing how fast your mind works when thing happen that upsets you. I thought to myself that I had to stop and help the cat. Then, I knew I couldn't because I'd be so upset watching the poor thing that I'd do nothing but cry. I knew that cat wouldn't survive and I'm not a strong enough person to helplessly stand by while it died. There's no comforting the cat. What can you do? It put a very bad damper on my night. I get so upset when things like this happen. I'm a strong person. I'm a police officer who has literally picked up 300 pound guys from the middle of the street who were just shot in the face and raced them to the hospital to save their lives. I'm VERY good under pressure at work. I know what to do...all of the time. Yet, I saw this cat and I felt helpless.

It gets me so mad that people adopt animals and allow them to go outside, or abandon them to run around the streets. Cats and other animals are not supposed to be allow outside. Things like this happens. Be a responsible pet owner, or don't be one at all. God dammit!

We are the Champions!!

2008-10-30T17:51:00.002-04:00

What a great day today is :) I watched the post season with my fingers crossed. I watched the NLCS with my fingers and toes crossed. The first 4 games of the World Series....excitement at it's best. Then comes game 5...horrible rain....freezing weather conditions. The game should have been stopped at the 5th inning with the score..Phillies 2 Tampa Bay 1..but they played it out, and stopped it at the bottom of the 6th with the score tied 2-2. No one wanted to win the World Series on a technicality. We wanted to play and finish the game. It took 48 hours for the weather to clear up to finish the last 3 1/2 innings. The first time in World Series history. A game suspension. Everyone knows what happens next...'Lights out Lidge' struck out the batter to end the inning and give Philadelphia it's first World Series win since 1980. My MVP throughout the post season has been Shane Victorino. He's a real people person player. A day before the World Series started, he was at a sporting goods store signing autographs and allowing fans to take pictures with him. He was at a Modells in center city today doing the same thing. It's the day after the damn World Series and he's out with the fans. That's what I call a good guy. That's what it's all about Shane. Good for you. The guys had an amazing run and I'm very happy for them. Way to go Phillies! Champs in '80 and '08...it was destiny!

Tina Fey..Meet Sarah Palin

2008-10-19T19:06:00.000-04:00

This is great :)

Thank God I'll be dead in 50 years

2008-10-19T18:21:00.006-04:00

So, I admit it. I am a chronic complainer. I have nothing better to do these days. Most of my posts have a negative tone to them lately, but I can't help it. I'm a 'the glass is half empty' kinda girl. I think it's the cop in me...we're all a bit cynical. Anyway, I was on my way back to Cindy's house when this song came on the radio. Now just so it's clear, I don't care for Rap music too much, especially when the lyrics involve killing whitey or anything anti-cop. So, I listen to 104.5 which is an alternative station that plays old school bands like U2, The Kinks and new stuff from peeps like Modest Mouse and such. So, this stupid ass ignorant song that I had the misfortune of hearing by mistake a few weeks ago on Q102 comes on....it's called Paper Planes by some chick that goes by M.I.A. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't listening to Q102...nope, it was my 104.5. If you're unfamiliar with the song, the lyrics and video are posted below. Listen carefully...she sings about taking your money, murdering some people, letting some go, smoking weed, making fake Visa's for illegals to stay in the country, and packing drugs for delivery. I think my favorite part is the gunshots...that's classy. Great stuff. Oh, there's also a line in there about 'hittin her up on her pre-pay cell phone'. Fantastic, she has poor credit and can't get a normal cell phone...so she's bragging about her pre-pay. What a ghetto, low rent piece of you know what. It's really a shame that a song like this gets any air play. But, lowlife people will call up the radio stations and request it every hour. It's glamorous....it's street life..that's how we roll yo! SIGH. There are no words to really describe how disappointed I am in the direction this country is going. The Urban inner city dirt balls are slowly making their way into the smaller towns. Cindy's little town has a bad element moving in lately. It's a shame. There won't be a decent place to live in 50 years unless you have a few million dollars to get away from them. Dirtballs.

Paper Planes...by M.I.A.

I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make them all day
I get one down in a second if you wait

I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make them all day
I get one down in a second if you wait

Sometimes I feel sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I'm clocking that game
Everyone's a winner now we're making that fame
Bona fide hustler, making my name

Sometimes I feel sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I'm clocking that game
Everyone's a winner now we're making that fame
Bona fide hustler, making my name

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit them
Lethal poison through their system

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit them
Lethal poison through their system

No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my banner, prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going to hell just pumping that gas

No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my banner, prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going to hell just pumping that gas

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

M.I.A.
Third world democracy
Yeah, I got more records than the K.G.B.
So, uh, no funny business

Some, some, some, I some I murder
Some, I some I let go
Some, some, some, I some I murder
Some, I some I let go

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

Ewww, smelly smelly stinky pooh

2008-10-18T22:42:00.002-04:00

Let me just start by saying that I may quite possibly be the most Anti-smoking person that you will ever meet. I HATE cigarettes. My entire family except for myself smokes. My sister quit a few years ago, but may or may not still smoke when she has a few cocktails. I'm not sure. I hope not. I went home today and as I was putting the key in the door, a smell of smoke became immediately apparent. I walked in and it hit me like a baseball bat. GOD, I hate that. What the hell ever made me think I could live with not one, but two smokers that both falsely claim that they only smoke about 5 cigarettes a day. Who are you really kidding? You're not kidding me buddy...you're kidding yourself. I have NEVER touched a cigarette a day in my entire life. I can smell it a mile away.

I went home the other day and caught my brother, who swore he didn't smoke upstairs, smoking in the kitchen. He looked shocked to see me. I asked him if he was smoking and he said, yeah cause he didn't feel like going in the basement so early. I caught him in yet another lie. My poor cats. They are going to be subjected to that shit for another 10 days or so. My mother AND father died from smoking related diseases. My father died when he was 44 back in 1977 from severe lung cancer, and my mother died in 2003 from heart disease and emphysema and COPD. She quit smoking several years before she died, but the damage was done. If it were up to me, cigarettes would be illegal in this and every country of the world. I know how difficult it is to quit smoking. I've heard the horror stories. But, I also know that it is a personal decision to even start smoking...much like drug addiction. You have the CHOICE to start, and you do. Shame on you. I have to smell and breath in that crap because you choose to smoke. I don't want lung cancer thanks. STOP THE MADNESS!!!

World Series here we come!!!!!

2008-10-16T15:50:00.004-04:00

So, the Philadelphia Phillies won the pennant last night! It was nearly a clean sweep. The Los Angeles Dodgers won one game. I watched part of all of the games. I was never really a huge baseball fan. I enjoy being at the game much more than watching it on TV. It was pretty exciting to watch lately though. We watched them from the bottom of the 5th inning on last night, because it was the season finale of Project Runway and we DO have our priorities :) My favorite team in baseball is the Boston Red Sox, but despite that fact, I'm hoping it's the Devil Rays in the world series with us so I won't have a conflict. I like the Phillies also, so I want to support my home town team. Unlike the Eagles. I do not like Mr. 'race card' Donovan McNabb and refuse to root for them until he is out on his ass. I went out to Modell's today and bought a Shane Victorino t-shirt to show support for the team. There was a huge crowd. So much so that Channel 6 news reporter Kathy Gandolfo was there interviewing people. It was a mob scene. It was fun being in there with all of the other excited people. I have been wearing my Phillies hat since they started in the play-offs. I'm what you might call a fair weathered fan. I don't consider myself a bandwagon jumper too much because I always liked the Phillies....just never really bought t-shirts or Jerseys and such. Although I do have a few Red Sox jackets, t-shirts and hats (we won't get into that right now though). I'm seeing red now...Phillies red :)

Go Phillies...we've been waiting for a Philly team to win the big one since 1980! It's time :) YAY!

Crickets Rejoice

2008-10-09T02:13:00.002-04:00

For the last few nights I've heard a cricket in the kitchen area of Cindy's house. We had Chris and Amber over for dinner the other night and as we all sat down and lifted our forks, we heard a cricket doing it's little chirping sound. We all just sort of looked at each other and smiled. I told Cindy that I thought the cricket was actually in the kitchen, and she swore it was just loud, and outside. Well, Cindy was at her studio tonight and I start hearing the chirping noise again..and it's LOUD. I go check things out in the kitchen and I hear the sucker! I can't find it though.

It's now 1:45AM and Cindy and I are doing our nightly ritual by watching TV and surfing the web like the night owls that we are and I hear it again. I sneak into the kitchen and survey the area. I can't find it. On a hunch, I open her back door and there he is! He's in between the screen and main doors. He hops into the kitchen and disappears. I leave and go back into the living room defeated. I hear him chirping again and I sneak back into the kitchen once again. I open the door and I see him again and I quickly open the screen door and he jumps outside! Woooohoooo! I saved the cricket. The sucker's been there for days. He's now back home with his wife & children in the big wild known as Cindy's backyard. Goodbye cricket...goodbye my friend :)

Let's end this before it gets REALLY ugly

2008-10-09T01:03:00.005-04:00

I have decided to leave the house. The house I make mention of is my mother's old house where my brother still lives with Debbie. You can smell the cigarette smoke the second you come close to the front door. My brother has interesting taste in furniture and decor also (let's just say it's everything I'm not) the show 'Golden Girls' comes to mind. And, he follows you around and fluffs pillows when you go into the kitchen to get a drink. Dude..I'm coming right back...stop straightening up for Christ's sake! He drinks from pitchers of Iced Tea then has the nerve to ask you if you want something to drink. The only good thing I can say about the last 2 months since moving in with them, is that he is VERY good to my cats. He is an animal lover, so I figured that would be the case. So, for that, I'm thankful. I was never comfortable there though. I feel like an outsider, so it's time to get out. He and I have had our fair share of disagreements and I have seen a side of him lately that I just plain despise. He is unbelievably petty among other things. Let's just say that I have to leave now if I'm ever going to salvage a relationship with him. Anyone that knows him can understand what I'm talking about. He's......something!

I went and looked at a little apartment in bridesburg today. I went and saw it and loved it. It's small, but not too small. I think it's the perfect size for the price. I liked the landlord also. She's a neighborhood lady who works and takes care of her elderly mother. I haven't met her husband, he wasn't there today. They live directly next door, which is fine with me after seeing what kind of person she is. I will be moving in on the first of the month. AMEN. I have to break the news to my brother tomorrow...I don't think he'll be happy, but I don't give a rats......

O.J. Simpson

2008-10-04T13:18:00.001-04:00

So, this past Friday the jury went into deliberations to decide the fate of O.J. Simpson for his Robbery and Kidnapping charges. They came back with a guilty verdict. I'm sure you know the story..he went looking for property he claimed was his, and he and some other thugs broke into a Las Vegas hotel room bearing handguns and threatened the sports memorabilia collectors inside, refusing to let them leave the room until he reclaimed "his" property.

Friday, was the 13th anniversary of the acquittal of his infamous murder trail. Many, including myself believed he was guilty of murdering Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman. I believe the police and prosecutors made numerous mistakes and handled themselves poorly. Is this new guilty verdict some sort of delayed justice? I certainly don't think so. How could you possibly compare the brutally savage double homicide to a Robbery and Kidnapping? He deserved to be handed down a death sentence 13 years ago. If the cops and prosecutors did their jobs correctly, this new crime would never have happened! With his luck, he'll get a minimal sentence and be out of prison in no time.

VP Debate

2008-10-03T13:38:00.003-04:00

Like most Americans, Cindy and I watched the Vice Presidential Debate on CNN last night. I think Sarah Palin came out strong. I was impressed with her confidence. Until last night I haven't seen this intellectual side of Palin. She was smooth and unshaken by the questions of the moderator and comments by Joe Biden. However, I do believe that she failed to answer some of the direct questions and did a verbal tap dance around the subjects. She kept redirecting questions back to the economy. She made mention of the fact that she and McCain are mavericks numerous times. John McCain may have been a maverick to his party a few years ago but has since waved the white flag of surrender and bowed down to his republican comrades. He's a maverick no more. And Sarah Palin has NEVER been what most would consider a maverick.

I'd have to give the win to Joe Biden last night. I think he was firm, direct and fair. He was quick to correct the inconsistencies that Palin made. And his 'Ultimate Bridge to Nowhere' comment about health care made me smile from ear to ear. Good job Joe. I look forward to the second presidential debate. I missed the first one :(

You HAVE to love Tina Fey

2008-09-29T18:50:00.002-04:00

Tina Fey guest starred on SNL again this past weekend. She is wickedly funny. I loved her prior to Sarah Palin becoming McCain's running mate, but now more so because she does a dead on impersonation of this woman. Please enjoy.........

Palin: Foreign Policy? I've got this covered!

2008-09-27T21:40:00.005-04:00

So, Sarah Palin thinks that she's experienced in foreign policy because of the close proximity of Canada and Russia to Alaska? Come on now, you're kidding, right? What...you have a video to prove it?? Yeah, McCain made a great choice in a running mate...she's soooooooo much more experienced than Obama! Ha! Way to go sucker. Can you just imagine McCain and that fool winning the election and McCain keeling over in the first term? President Palin? OMG...HELP US..lol Funny, but not.